The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXXVII

It has been forever since I felt truly compelled to blast someone out of the water and document their stupidity in my Hall of Shame blog series. In an effort to be a better (and more positive) person, I have been attempting to control myself. That did not work so well for me yesterday . . . as I was provoked beyond bearing.

I keep a great deal of my personal life private. Know why that is? Because some people – who are of no true consequence in my life – feel entitled to be intimately involved in everything that I do. The Internet has allowed people to have an unparalleled sense of entitlement. Just because I can post every picture that I take in the world does not mean that I should. Just because I can update my Facebook status every five seconds, with every breath and every ass wipe, does not mean that I should. Just because I can ‘check in’ online so that every stalker in the world knows I have been to the Acme and then to the Wawa before checking in from home, does not mean that I should. Don’t get me wrong, I have no issue with people that do those things . . . it just is not the way I elect to run my life.

Who is the janker that pissed in my Cheerios yesterday? A male acquaintance . . . who I have met peripherally a few times in one of the social circles I operate in. And when I say acquaintance, that is what I mean . . . no true personal affiliation . . . he does not even have my cell phone number and must have gotten my email address from my Facebook page.

So, I get an email, completely out of nowhere from this person, and it rapidly went from bad to worse for him. Read on . . . and I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed letting him have it!

****
From: JankerDuJuor
To: Jenny
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 5:20 PM
Subject: Question

Why does your Facebook say you are in a relationship? You aren’t.

****
From: Jenny
To: JankerDuJuor
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 6:04 PM
Subject: RE: Question

Mmm . . . because I am in a relationship.

****
From: JankerDuJuor
To: Jenny
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 6:17 PM
Subject: RE: Question

No. I see you all of the time. Never with anyone. Trying to prove something by saying that?

****
From: Jenny
To: JankerDuJuor
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 6:25 PM
Subject: RE: Question

I don’t have anything to prove. My relationship status is listed correctly. And I have nothing to prove to anyone – especially not you.

****
From: JankerDuJuor
To: Jenny
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 6:33 PM
Subject: RE: Question

Yeah right. I think you just say that so you don’t look bad.

****
From: Jenny
To: JankerDuJuor
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 6:45 PM
Subject: RE: Question

First of all, there isn’t anything wrong with being single. I don’t have to say that I am in a relationship to feel better about myself. The last time that I checked, I am pretty phenomenal – single or involved.

It does occur to me that you have taken a specific objection to my status. Not that I care, but what business is it of yours anyway?

****
From: JankerDuJuor
To: Jenny
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 7:10 PM
Subject: RE: Question

No objection. Just like to see people being honest. And I don’t think you are.

****
From: Jenny
To: JankerDuJuor
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 7:22 PM
Subject: RE: Question

You don’t think I am being honest? Really . . . that is profound coming from someone like you. Your issue with me isn’t going to be used to mask your latent homosexuality . . . if you think that people do not know, you are grossly mistaken. We all have eyes. If you are looking for someone dishonest, look no further than your own living room. Your entire life is a lie . . .

That being said, don’t make the mistake of thinking that I care one whit. Pussy or dick, it’s all the same to me. But, don’t try to push off your personal insecurities and issues onto me. That isn’t going to work. Now get lost before I get nasty.

****
From: JankerDuJuor
To: Jenny
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 7:36 PM
Subject: RE: Question

Get nasty? You say things like that and pretend you are still a nice person. You have everyone fooled. One day you will get what is coming to you.

****
From: Jenny
To: JankerDuJuor
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2011 7:41 PM
Subject: RE: Question

Well, you should have let it be . . . but since you are clearly not that bright, I am going to share a few home truths with you. Maybe you will think about these things before you try and confront someone else with your retarded accusations again. And, I would like to thank you ahead of time for pissing me off and earning a place in my Hall of Shame blog. It’s been a while, but I think you are deserving. Congrats!

1. What happens in my personal life is just that – personal. It isn’t any business of yours – or anyone else’s. I don’t owe you an explanation related to my relationship. What are you? The relationship police?!? Please! Get a life of your own and you won’t be so concerned with what is going on in mine.
2. If you weren’t queerer than a two-headed nickel, I would think that you were interested in me and just spouting off sour grapes because you can’t have me. I won’t ever understand why you have elected to single me out to be the recipient of your mad ranting, but I also won’t pretend to care. You are nothing to me – and you are now even less than that. I have enemies I look upon with more fondness.
3. My boyfriend thinks you are pathetic. We laughed about your email together . . . and he reminded me that I really don’t have anything to prove. But, I will say that if you paid any attention at all to my page, you would know who my boyfriend is . . . what he does for a career . . . where he lives . . . and even when I am with him. You are just too single-minded (and lacking in cognitive powers) to notice these things.
4. I have people fooled? Really? I don’t think that is the case. I know who – and what – I am. It is a shame that you live such a closeted (literally!) life that you cannot even recognize someone that is truly well-grounded, honest (to the point of it being a fault), and true. Yes – true! Because that is what I am to the people that mean the most to me. Trash like you? Well, there is always another Hefty bag to shove you into.
5. I am a nice person – I am exceedingly nice to the people in my life that deserve it. You may not like me . . . you may not like my personal politics . . . and you may not like what I have to say. But I do not recall asking you for your opinion. I don’t recall soliciting you as a Facebook ‘friend’ and I really don’t recall initiating this conversation with you. If you want to see someone ugly, grab a mirror. You are foul . . . not only on the outside, but on the inside. I don’t see even one redeemable quality about you.
6. Let’s just clear up one other item . . . we have friends in common. You will do well to keep a wide berth from me going forward. Your disgustingness has been removed from my Facebook page and blocked. And, let me warn you, don’t make the mistake of trying to badmouth me to our mutual friends. I had them long before you did . . . and will have them long after you have hit the beaten path. I don’t lose . . . especially not to a punk like you.
7. Lastly, I will get what is coming to me in life . . . and that is solely because I am a wonderful person. I will have happiness . . . I will have security . . . and I will have love. Somehow I see you growing old alone . . . dying alone . . . and being buried by the state (hopefully sooner versus later). I have none of those concerns about my very bright and shining future.

All of that being said, I will not bother to wish you well. You are not deserving of it.

Jenny

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXXVI

I do not normally put people in the Hall of Shame after physical dates . . . I truly do not want everyone out there to think that I am a hideous witch about every man I go out with. However, my loserville date from Thursday deserves his moment in the spotlight. At first I thought that I may have overreacted a bit to his abrasive and assuming behavior, but have since decided otherwise (largely due to his continued ignorance). So here is the scenario:

I had been talking with this guy, Dre (yes that really was his name . . . he showed me his driver’s license) for several weeks and finally decided to make the big leap and meet him in person. Because I am so cynical these days, I did elect to go for the coffee date (as most of you know it is best to do that so that you can get out of a bad situation fast and without any sort of commitment). Well, he chose to have us meet at a Starbuck’s in the King of Prussia Mall. Not a big deal, but the locations in the mall are not really conducive to being able to hang out for a while and get to know someone – but whatever! I said he could pick where to meet, so I had to stick with it.

Strike one - Dre was twenty minutes late. And I have a major issue with people that cannot manage time properly. Luckily I was at the mall, so I didn’t mind that much . . . but it was still strike one in my book. You don’t show up late to a first date . . . it just makes a bad impression.

Strike two came shortly thereafter. We went up to the counter and I ordered my coffee first. He then ordered a snack and a coffee. Then – in an unparalleled event in my life – he says to me “Why don’t you get this?”. Ummm how about hell to the no!?!? I’m the girl! And you can’t spring two dollars for a cup of coffee? Cheap ass loser . . . and I sure as freak am not going to pony up five dollars for your sugary drink and snack. I did, though, decide to handle it with grace and simply said that we should cover our own. With a smirk, I handed him two dollars to cover my drink, snagged my coffee, and went to sit down – leaving him (none too happily) to wrap things up with the Barista.

Dre did pay his way and then came over to the table. He then proceeded to guzzle down his drink, eat his banana bread, and talk with his mouth full the entire time. To say I was revolted would be greatly minimizing it. The second time that a piece of food fell out of his mouth onto the table, I almost wretched on the spot. Regardless of all of these offenses I persisted . . . and then strike three.

After about twenty minutes of him droning on about his work (BORING), he inquired about what I wanted to do next. I told him that we agreed to a coffee date, so unless he wanted to walk around the mall, then I did not have any other intentions. Dre says “I am too tired to walk around the mall. Let’s go back to your place.” I’m all “That isn’t going to happen. Do you want to walk around the mall or call it a night?” Dre says “Come on. Let’s just go back to your place.” Apparently he is stuck on stupid.

I respond again “So not going to happen. I guess we will call it a night.” Dre says “Don’t be a prude. Let’s just go back to your place.” WTF?!? Really with this?!? I respond, “You are too tired to walk around the mall, but you have the energy to go back to my place and do what? Take a nap? I don’t think so. I am finished here.” I stood up and prepared to leave and Dre did the same. Apparently there was a misunderstanding though – he thought he was coming with me because he said “So, back to your place?”

OMFG!

My loud reply “I am going back to my place. You are going to your place. And I have no intention of ever seeing you again. Apparently you think I am a whore, but I can assure you that I am not. Good riddance!”

He did have the grace to look shocked . . . but most likely only because I said it really loudly for everyone in the Starbuck’s to hear. And they did hear . . . several people laughed and one man stood up and looked like he was going to intervene if necessary. I was good though . . . and just exited the coffeehouse with pride in tact.

You would think that Dre would have gotten the point . . . but he didn’t really. He text messaged me almost immediately requesting a second chance. Really? Cracka please! Do I look mentally challenged? If you are going to act like that after meeting me for the first time – and for thirty minutes – your behavior has nowhere to but down from there (as if it were even possible!). I sent a reply instructing him to get lost and never contact me again . . . which, of course, did not go over well. I was barraged with text messages telling me that I am a prude . . . that I overreacted to his ‘joke’ . . . that I am clearly afraid of being in a serious relationship . . . and so on. After I threatened to post his personal contact information online on a popular revenge website, he relented and has since left me alone. But, boy can I pick them or what?!? I swear . . . they seem so nice and innocuous when you are talking to them on IM and the on the phone. But, true tools cannot hide their ignorance for long . . . this one showed his true colors immediately. At least I didn’t waste anything more than a coffee date on him . . . and any excuse for me to get Starbuck’s is a good one. ;)

That’s it for now for the Hall of Shame . . . and for now the other women in southeastern Pennsylvania should be safe from this wacko. He deleted his online profile after our date too. What a total jerk!

So, a few helpful hints to all of my single guy pals:
1) Be on time . . . tardiness is not easily tolerated. No one likes to wait . . . especially for a stranger.
2) Pay for the woman. I know women are supposed to be liberated and all that rot . . . but be a man and cover the first date. If you do not, it makes you look weak, cheap, and really like a complete loser.
3) I don't care what the situation is - it is never socially acceptable to talk with your mouth full. It is nasty and really just shows the woman you are with that you have absolutely no manners and displays gross disrespect to the person you are with. Knock that shit off immediately!
4) Take cues from the body language of the person you are with. If you are unfamiliar with the common signs that someone is not into you, take a few minutes and Google it. It will save you some trouble and embarrassment going forward.
5) Last, but certainly not least, don't ever treat your date like a slut. If a woman wants you to go home with her, she will invite you. Don't be a reject and ask. If you have to ask, you already know what the answer is going to be and nothing good can follow that slap in the face.

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXXV

So, I do not normally post these blogs in such rapid succession . . . but this TOOL completely deserved to get his moment in the spotlight.

Here’s the scenario . . . we have been exchanging casual emails for a couple of weeks now and his ‘office’ was allegedly closed today, so we had more of an opportunity to communicate. Yeah . . . that wasn’t a good thing. I am not going to post the entire conversation, but I behaved in my emails to him the way that I normally do. I am relatively honest, but kept things casual – especially in light of the fact that he has posted very prominently in his profile that he wants to become friends before progressing to anything else. I am completely respectful of that . . . but it does make me a little bit leery of his actual status and intentions. Most guys are not looking for friends on a dating site . . . and if they say they are, they are probably lying. This guy was . . .

Here is my disclaimer before you read this:

1. I love people that have tattoos and I am not judgemental of them. But, piss me off and see what I have to say to you.

2. I have loads of friends that are single parents and I do not judge them, nor consider their children born out of wedlock to be bastards. But if you show disregard for your child, I will . . . and will not be quiet about it.

3. I do not consider anyone stupid or uneducated until they prove that to me through their words or actions.

Now that I have made my disclaimer, check out the email chain from my loser of the day!

***

From: PhillyPflunkie
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 10:35 am
Subject: You have a beautiful smile

I just wanted to let you know that. And I was a boy scout, so you know I am only speaking the truth.

***

From: Jenny
To: PhillyPflunkie
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 10:45 am
Subject: Re: You have a beautiful smile

That is kind of you to say . . .

As a Boy Scout, did you have to take some sort of oath that would ensure that you are unable to lie?

***

From: PhillyPflunkie
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 10:55 am
Subject: You have a beautiful smile

So, wassup?

***

From: Jenny
To: PhillyPflunkie
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:02 am
Subject: Re: You have a beautiful smile

Nothing profound . . . I shoveled out my car earlier and am now making chili for dinner later. What are you up to?

***

From: PhillyPflunkie
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:05 am
Subject: You have a beautiful smile

lol if you wanna know something ask .... you know what it is talking about yourself ~

***

From: Jenny
To: PhillyPflunkie
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:08 am
Subject: Re: You have a beautiful smile

Mmm . . . okay . . . I thought I asked a question there. So, why don’t you tell me what it is you do for a living. Your profile was non-specific about it.

***

From: PhillyPflunkie
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:11 am
Subject: You have a beautiful smile

Yes upon request , lol . Well I work in an office and I take care of myself

***

From: Jenny
To: PhillyPflunkie
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:13 am
Subject: Re: You have a beautiful smile

Ah . . . okay . . . still non-specific. Not really an answer at all.

***

From: PhillyPflunkie
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:15 am
Subject: You have a beautiful smile

Why don’t you just call me and we can get specific.

Are you down to earth ... we are typing but i sense a bit of ...well uppityness lol

Sorry im upfront and blunt no reason to think it and not say it ...right?

***

From: Jenny
To: PhillyPflunkie
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:17 am
Subject: Re: You have a beautiful smile

I am a down to earth type of person. I'm not sure why you would think I am uppity . . . I know who and what I am and don't make apologies for it. If you think I am arrogant because I am conservative then that is up to you to decide. It won't change who I am.

***

From: PhillyPflunkie
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:22 am
Subject: You have a beautiful smile

LOL it is not what your saying but how your saying ... who asked to change you , lol , i dont kno why ur saying that ... you seem uptight also i guess . Down to earth to me is being able to enjoy one anothers convos and be able to talk about anything ~

***



From: Jenny
To: PhillyPflunkie
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:24 am
Subject: Re: You have a beautiful smile

You are entitled to your perception . . . I thought we were having a relatively open dialogue.

***

From: PhillyPflunkie
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:28 am
Subject: You have a beautiful smile

Dialogue?? Yes I know the meaning but who uses it really?? Look I dont think we are a match plus I think your lying about ur age , lol .

uppity , snobby , w/e you call it ....its there loosen up and have fun sweets ~

***

From: Jenny
To: PhillyPflunkie
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:32 am
Subject: Re: You have a beautiful smile

You think I am lying about my age? How old do you think I am?

Very odd . . . but I'll take being snobby I guess. Apparently being educated is a bad thing in your world.

And no one lies about being 35. That's ridiculous!

***

From: PhillyPflunkie
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:38 am
Subject: You have a beautiful smile

My "world"?

So I have no education and you exceed my level ?? Would never happen.

you look older, much, much older~

***

From: Jenny
To: PhillyPflunkie
Date: Dec. 27, 2010 – 11:50 am
Subject: Re: You have a beautiful smile

Wow . . . you are very angry for a middle-aged white man, now aren’t you? You went from zero to sixty in about ten seconds flat there.

Let me enlighten you about a few things before I release you to the universe and block your disgusting ass from contacting me again. Maybe, just maybe, you will learn something and not be a complete TOOL the next time you contact a woman on this site.

1) If you will not even explain what you do for a job, it makes women think you do not have one. No one was asking you for the name of the company you work for, just the nature of it. Get a grip on yourself . . . you know you are unemployed and living with your mommy. And your ‘office’ is your basement bedroom. Oh! And since you allegedly live in King of Prussia, I am sure your office was not closed. We only got about six inches of snow. Janker!

2) The topic of your daughter is “off-limits” according to you, yet you have her picture posted on your dating profile. What an ass you are! If you do not want people to ask about her, take down the damn picture. Fool!

3) You are single, not divorced, and you were very specific about that at several points in your profile. Just something to consider . . . by doing so, you are announcing to the world (repeatedly) that your child is a bastard . . . and that you are too. You clearly have no concept of birth control or at least did not have the decency to marry her mother (who you are not very complimentary of in your profile). Yet, you still think you are some sort of God. Well, let me enlighten you that you are not. Being able to create a child and bring them into the world doesn’t make you anything other than a careless jerk. And if you aren’t happy with the woman that is your child’s mother, it is your own damn fault for having sex with her to begin with. That also should remind you of what a fool you are.

4) Your tattoos are not sexy. Only a deviant would find them so and I find it next to impossible to believe that you could work in any ‘office’ with tattoos on your face, neck and with full sleeves. Step away from the crack pipe and get a grip on reality. If you were smarter (which clearly you are not), you would pass yourself off as a construction worker. That is about the only work you could do in Pennsylvania looking that way. Because, in case you missed it, we are a very conservative state . . . all about professionalism. That star tattoo on your face makes you look like the jack donkey that you are.

5) Age . . . a very sensitive issue for women. Luckily, I know I look damn good for my age, so I am completely unconcerned with your opinion. Especially in light of the fact that you did such horrible damage to your own appearance with the tattoos, tanning, and what appears to be a lifetime of smoking – if the wrinkles on your alleged 37 year old face are anything to go by. I have seen smaller grooves in the Grand Canyon! Look in the mirror before casting dispersions on others.

6) Last, but certainly not least, you know you are uneducated. Let’s not try to kid one another here . . . you have nothing to offer anyone. You are a single father, a tattooed freak, and abusive to women. If I seem “uppity” to you, it is because you are so far beneath me on every single level, that you could never do anything but look up to me. And I am down with being snobby. It protects me from the dregs of society – people like you. Clearly, you struck a wrong note with me . . . and I am sure you will continue to do so with every woman you come into contact with. Know what I recommend? Sterilization . . . isolation . . . and education. Three things for you to work on. Get to it . . .

I’m off now . . . I wish you the very worst! Miserable New Year!!!

Jenny

P.S. You have been blocked from contacting me . . . don’t waste your precious brain cells trying to respond.

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXXIV

Ha ha ha ha ha . . . boy was I having a bad day when I emailed this janker! But, he did deserve it . . .

This jackoff was from the dating site that I have a profile on. The site has been good (overall), but these crackheads squeak through with frightening regularity.

So, be warned that the message contains some level of inflammatory comments, including foul language, politically incorrect references to mentally challenged individuals, and attacks on the residents of New Jersey. Please don’t think that I dislike all people in Jersey . . . just those that act like the cast of Jersey Shore. My favorite guy at the moment happens to be from New Jersey and he is nothing like those meatheads!

Enjoy!!! And I did block him . . . you know I had to. Boy did I poke that bear! ;)

***

From: NJ_Ugly_Guy
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 14, 2010 – 8:34 pm
Subject: Hi

Hi

***

From: Jenny
To: NJ_Ugly_Guy
Date: Dec. 14, 2010 – 9:02 pm
Subject: Hi

Hello . . . thanks for your message. How goes it?

I checked out your profile and you seem to be rather varied in your interests. Can I ask what captured your attention about my profile?

***

From: NJ_Ugly_Guy
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 14, 2010 – 9:14 pm
Subject: tony

it goes good... call me now 609 647 1**5

***

From: Jenny
To: NJ_Ugly_Guy
Date: Dec. 14, 2010 – 9:40 pm
Subject: tony

I don't really call people before getting to know them online...I am conservative like that. Did you see my second question in the initial email? I did notice that you mentioned you are always drawn towards older women - of which I am not one since you are five years older than I am. I am interested to know . . .

***

From: NJ_Ugly_Guy
To: Jenny
Date: Dec. 14, 2010 – 9:54 pm
Subject: tony

u seem like a total fuckin bitch

***

From: Jenny
To: NJ_Ugly_Guy
Date: Dec. 14, 2010 – 10:15 pm
Subject: tony

Oh lovely . . . Prince Charming is alive and now residing in New Jersey!! Clearly you are as you initially appeared to be – nothing but Jersey trash!

So, in an effort to do you a public service, let me bring a few items to your attention. And don’t worry, I will use common language . . . I know Neanderthal’s do not have a big vocabulary.

1) If you advertise yourself as someone that is solely interested in older women, why are you contacting women younger than you? Or did you not even take the time to check the age listed on my profile? Regardless, the fact that you are into cougars shows that you have serious ‘mommy’ issues that neither I, nor any woman with cognitive powers, would be interested in dealing with. I am sure though that there is a 65 year old woman out there just waiting for you to verbally thrash her. Maybe she can hit you with her cane!

2) If you are really interested in getting to know someone, read the emails that they send back to you. And, braniac, if they ask you a question . . . answer it! What a novel concept! I am not a whore, so I am not going to call you after two one line emails. What would that accomplish? Giving you an opportunity to abuse your two inches of screaming thunder? I don’t think so . . . I am sure there are hookers standing on the corner outside of your Jersey home that can help you out with that for ten dollars.

2) Jersey Shore isn’t looking for additional cast mates. You need to ditch the spray tan, puffy hair, wifebeater, and gold chains. You are 39 years old . . . you look like a retard! And I KNOW that I am not the only one that has told you that. Maybe, just maybe, you should consider a makeover! You are mentally challenged, so maybe a department store out there could hook you up. I have a friend at the Goodwill that I could put you in touch with. What they come up with couldn’t be any worse than the look you are rocking now!

3) NJ Cute Guy? Really? Who told you that? Your momma? Because she is the only one that would find your appearance in any way cute . . . so if you are trying to own the ‘GTL’, I would recommend that you spend a little more time in the gym so that you can get rid of the beer gut. And, clearly, you need to spend considerably little less time in the tanning booth. Oompa-Loompa’s have nothing on you! Freaking orange trash nightmare that you are! Laundry? Yeah . . . the stain on your collar in your picture just validates that you are a filthy pig.

4) Don’t give out your telephone number to women that you are going to verbally abuse! That just shows your complete inability to plan ahead. Now, what should I do with that number? Hmmm hmmm . . . guess you will find out when your phone blows up with calls related to this email (because you have now earned yourself a spot in my Hall of Shame blog series). I will be featuring you! What a great honor for a Jersey boy!

Now that I have shared my wisdom with you, I would suggest that you head out and change your cell phone number . . . because you have no idea the beast you awakened with your foul response to me.

Burn in hell!
~Jenny~

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXXIII

Mmm . . . yeah . . . so there isn’t much that I can really share about this particular crackhead that messaged me on my dating profile. His stupidity is almost overwhelming and I knew right away that he just had to be featured in my Hall of Shame.

I am quite sure that he is at home right now abusing someone . . . or something. What a nightmare! But I did have a great time emailing him back to enumerate what a mentally dysfunctional piece of manhood he is! Happy reading!

***

From: DominantFool
To: Jenny
Date: Sep. 12, 2010 – 1:02 pm
Subject: Possible Match

You are one of my quick matches for the week. I thought your profile was interesting. I am not a man to be dictated too though, so we may not match after all. This is the way I work.

I won’t tell you that you are beautiful – because you aren’t. But I will treat you well.

I won’t let you walk on me – because I am the man and always wear the pants. But I will allow you to have an opinion. I just won’t listen to it.

I won’t be your lapdog – because I lead and you follow. But I will let you choose the destination – at times.

I won’t embrace your independence – because I think you have already had too much of a taste of it. But I will allow you to take care of me.

I think you can accept these things and would thrive in my care. Message me back. I’ll be waiting.

Bill

***

From: Jenny
To: DominantFool
Date: Sep. 12, 2010 – 5:27 pm
Subject: Re: Possible Match

Wow . . . Bill . . . there really aren’t words to appropriately express my displeasure at having been one of your quick matches for the week. This web site is CLEARLY doing something very wrong if they thought that we could be even remotely compatible.

But, let me clear up a few things for you . . .

1) I don’t need someone that looks like Where’s Waldo telling me that I am not beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder . . . but you clearly have a warped perception of beauty. I would like to think that you have reacted so violently to my appearance because it made you even more cognizant of the fact that you are a troll that should be guarding a bridge somewhere. But, sadly, I don’t think you are that self-aware. I suggest you step away from the computer and return to your bridge. No one wants you . . .

2) You will treat me well . . . mmm . . . I don’t think so. Anyone that starts out by insulting me cannot go anywhere but down. Somehow I think that you are one of those controlling and abusive men that I have had the misfortune to encounter more times than I am comfortable with. I recommend that you stick with abusing yourself . . . because one of these days, you will attack the wrong person and find yourself on the receiving end of a Bobbitization. I kind of wish I could be that person . . .

3) You will allow me to have an opinion – yet you don’t care about it. Really? Wow! That is just swell of you! But, let me assure you, no one cares about your needs less than a strong, self-assured woman like myself. You need to return to therapy and figure out what it is about yourself that is so horrible that you think you need to control someone else to feel like a man. You are just sad and pathetic.

4) Lapdog? I want no part of a lapdog and my profile does not insinuate such a thing in any way, shape, or form. I would never want to be with a weak and spineless man . . . but, I also can’t be with someone that thinks it is okay to control every aspect of my life. And, believe me, the day will NEVER come when I have to follow anyone. The only place I think you could lead anyone to is hell. And I can earn my own trip there.

5) A woman can never have too much independence. You have clearly had some sort of psychotic break . . . or have quite simply forgotten that this is 2010 . . . women rule this world. Men are just the ones that clean up after us. The sooner you recognize that and submit to the higher power that women are now, the happier you will be.

6) In case you have not yet figured this out for yourself, I am not interested in you – or anything about you – except maybe in trying to protect the rest of the women in the world from your foul behavior. I could never live with a loserville like you and your controlling actions. And I am glad you were waiting for my response. I hope you have enjoyed reading it. Somehow I think I got a lot more pleasure from it than you did.

Now I suggest you run along and re-evaluate every aspect of your life and personality. Otherwise you are destined to die alone . . . the same way that you have surely lived your entire life.

Don’t be mad now . . . I’m just trying to help a guy out! Now shoo you pest! And don’t bother to try and reply to my message . . . I have already blocked you. I know it isn’t possible to truly penetrate that thick skull of yours . . . and I refuse to spend any more of my valuable energy debating the reality of the world with you.

~ Jenny

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXXII

So, I decided to take a bit of a break from sharing the lame-ass emails I have been getting from ‘men of interest’ online . . . just so that everyone doesn’t think that I am a total bitch all of the time. But, I got one email this week that just begged to be included in the series . . . some asses are just too good to keep to myself.

This email came from a loser on the dating web site that I use . . . he is 49, divorced, and the father of FOUR! Apparently, when he isn’t busy propagating the species, he trolls the Internet for women to attack. I think he got a bit more than he bargained for when he made his personal mission to help this girl out. Suckerbunny!

***

From: Asshat
To: Jenny
Date: Sep. 4, 3020 – 8:32 am
Subject: A mission to help you out…

A shame that such a potentially good profile is marred with a lack of humility or sensitivity. No, I am not interested, but felt that I absolutely had to let you know how you come across, and it's not positive. I am sure you are a nice girl, but demanding, pompous writing will only get you weak, spineless weirdos who are attracted to a facsimile of their mother. If I am wrong, please forgive my intrusion, but you should consider turning the bitch-o-meter down just a tad ( if you are brutally honest, then you will appreciate the same). Good luck with your search.

***

From: Jenny
To: Asshat
Date: Sep. 4, 3020 – 9:10 pm
Subject: Re: A mission to help you out…

It's amazing that a geriatric wanna-be player thinks that there is a problem with my profile. The reality is that someone as pathetic as you could never live up to even the most meager of my expectations. Inasmuch as you think your email was helpful, it isn't - because I am quite confident that no one cares what you think . . . especially not me.

Just a helpful hint for you, coming across as a total douche bag isn't attractive . . . just because you could NEVER handle a woman that is independent, assertive, and strong does not mean that you should attack them. I am sure that your now ex-wife left your sorry ass behind because you tried to keep her barefoot, pregnant, and silent in your home.

Your Neanderthal opinion is not welcome here. In the future, you would be well-advised to keep your asshat comments to yourself until someone solicits them . . . otherwise, your old ass will never find another sorry sucker to marry. One last thing . . . do the world a favor and stop breeding. You are just damaging the world by continuing to spread yourself about.

And, in case you didn’t figure it out yet, I’m not interested either . . . and am blocking you from contacting me again with more of your Alzheimer-induced rantings.

***

Follow-Up: So, I blocked this man from emailing me again . . . not a surprise because I told him I was going to. He is such a total wackadoodle that he actually created another profile in order to respond to my message. His response?

***

From: Asshat2
To: Jenny
Date: Sep. 6, 3020 – 7:10 pm
Subject: Still trying to help you out…

You know you come across as a total cunt. You are going to have to block everyone on the site if you keep that attitude. Fat girls are rumored to be nice. Not the case with you. Oh well. Your loss.

***

From: Jenny
To: Asshat2
Date: Sep. 6, 3020 – 8:22 pm
Subject: Re: Still trying to help you out…

Wow! You are even more pathetic than I ever envisioned! You should be so proud of yourself . . . because you have just won a place in my Hall of Shame blog series. And I may even put a link to your active profile so that everyone can see what a giant piece of shit you are!

Just a few thoughts . . . you know, to help a guy out.

You can’t use the word cunt . . . if there is anyone here that epitomizes that word, it would be you. Clearly you have been emasculated by someone in your life. You should not take out your issues with your mother on me.

Additionally, I am quite all right with continuing to block the mentally challenged men on this site. If I wanted to settle for spending my life with a waste of skin, I could gladly do that. But, since I have self-respect, confidence, and intelligence on my side, that isn’t necessary. You, however, should consider switching teams. I think that there is a great man out there that could rape you into submission – or at least help you to form some general human decency.

Last, but certainly not least, all fat women are not nice. Some of us do not have to be nice . . . because we are beautiful in our own right. I can be a total bitch and still have men lining up around the block to be with me. Whoever told you that fat chicks are nice clearly didn’t spend much time around them. We will kick your sorry ass to the curb after five seconds. Why is that? Because we can ALWAYS do better . . . and, in your case, it wouldn’t be hard. I know men in prison that are better people than you are.

Now . . . I am going to report your emails to me as abusive to the site administrator. And your IP address will get blocked from further damaging the real women on this web site – of which none of them would be interested in anything to do with you. Unless you count wanting to castrate you. I totally volunteer to lead that pack . . .

Now fuck off!

***

Final Follow-Up: This loser and his accounts were deactivated from the web site . . . and his IP address was blocked from creating additional accounts. I know that is a small victory - because you can always switch IP addresses . . . but it was at least something! One less loser was at least temporarily removed from the site. Go Jenny!

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXXI

Oh baby! Do I have a Hall of Shame loser to share with you this round. I honestly cannot believe the people that email me with ‘interest’ on the dating site I use. Don’t get me wrong, I think the site is good overall . . . but I am seriously starting to wonder about the general sanity of the male species. I keep waiting for the day when I get an email that makes me all warm and fuzzy . . . in the interim, I get them that make me throw up in my mouth. Read on for the jerk of the week!

***

From: SlimyWeasel
To: Jenny
Date: July 28, 2010 1:12 am
Subject: Wat U Du 2 Me!

Ur nu picturz get me turnd on! U get hawter every time. Hit me back n we can get 2gethr.

***

To: SlimyWeasel
From: Jenny
Date: July 28, 2010 8:20 am
Subject: Re: Wat U Du 2 Me!

Mmm . . . I’m going to go with a vehement ‘no’. And you really should type in complete sentences so that people can understand the message you are trying to convey. Emailing in text language is ridiculous for a 37 year old.

***

From: SlimyWeasel
To: Jenny
Date: July 28, 2010 11:43 am
Subject: Re: Wat U Du 2 Me!

U kinda bitchy. I likez that mami. Du u wanna kno what I did last night?

***

To: SlimyWeasel
From: Jenny
Date: July 28, 2010 4:11 pm
Subject: Re: Wat U Du 2 Me!

I’m kind of bitchy? You have no idea how bitchy I am . . . you have yet to scratch the surface. And NO I do not want to know what you did last night. Get lost!

***

From: SlimyWeasel
To: Jenny
Date: July 28, 2010 8:21 pm
Subject: Re: Wat U Du 2 Me!

U make me hawt! Dat nu picture was fine! I prntd all ur pictures n came all over ur purty face. I no dat makes u want me.

***

To: SlimyWeasel
From: Jenny
Date: July 28, 2010 10:14 pm
Subject: Re: Wat U Du 2 Me!

Oh my god! You are a filthy pig . . . and that does not make me want you, it makes me vomit in my mouth. I am physically ill at the very thought of someone engaging in such a lewd behavior. I can’t even imagine what sort of lowlife individual would behave like that, let alone admit it to the person that they victimized. But, in doing so, you sealed your fate of being blocked so that I never have to see your ugly face again – or hear from you.

Just a couple of take home points – because I am all about educating the masses:

1) You are way, way too old to be writing and acting like a ghetto teenager. Clean yourself up or prepare to be single for the remainder of your sorry life. Although, that being said, it would be the most decent thing you could do for the general population.

2) Stop calling every woman you come into any sort of contact with ‘mami’. I’m nobody’s mother – let alone a freakzoid pervert like you.

3) The very thought of you having your way with yourself while looking at my pictures is absolutely revolting. Clearly you have a sad and pathetic life if you have to get off while looking at pictures of a stranger. Let me recommend something to you . . . it’s called porn. Women that are in porn love when you do that. Classy women like me do not. We consider losers like you to be depraved.

4) No one wants you . . . and finding out about your extracurricular activities only reinforces that fact. Just be glad that God blessed you with two hands . . . you don’t have to worry about a partner. You are your own lover . . . keep it that way . . . and, whatever you do, do not procreate!

5) Telling a stranger about your perversions is never a good idea. And since you elected to do it, I am going to share it with the public. I’m forwarding your message to the moderator of the web site to get your foul self removed. And then I am going to share your message with all of my friends. Know why? Cause I’m kinda bitchy!

Jenny OUT!!!!

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXX

Hi everyone! It’s been a bit since I have shared a loserville from my dating site with you all, but I couldn’t keep this one to myself. From his opening line to his closing line, he showed himself to be classless and really just insane. How some of these men get dates, I am sure I will never know . . . but this one struck out with me. I hope you enjoy reading it . . . I love a good psycho!

Oh . . . and if you want to know what my dating rules are, here you go (copied from my dating profile):

Don't message me if you:
1) are a racist
2) are an active drug user
3) are currently on parole/probation
4) are married - even if you have allegedly separated or filed for divorce
5) are trying to get me to send you money overseas
6) are someone who does not know how to treat a lady, because I deserve WAY better than that!

***

From: uwontforgetme
To: Jenny
Date: June 30, 2010 12:06 am
Subject: Hi

You look like the type who would stab someone with a kitchen knife if they displeased you.

I'm not holding that against you or anything, I'm just saying.

***

To: Jenny
From: uwontforgetme
Date: June 30, 2010 11:36 am
Subject: Re: Hi

What exactly does that type of person look like? I'm curious to know what quality you 'see' in me that would make me look like a psycho . . .

And I actually consider it to be a flaw in your character that you would not consider such a characteristic in me to be something you would hold against me. If I were to perceive such a thing about you, I would definitely hold it against you. I clearly would not initiate contact with someone I perceived to be potentially insane. I’m just saying . . .

***

From: uwontforgetme
To: Jenny
Date: July 1, 2010 7:56 pm
Subject: Re: Hi

Holy overreaction batman! I didn’t say you were psycho, just that you looked like the type to take someone out for making you mad. I don’t think I am wrong. I think it’s a sexy quality. Turns me on.

***

To: Jenny
From: uwontforgetme
Date: July 2, 2010 8:10 pm
Subject: Re: Hi

Mmm . . . I wouldn’t say that I overreacted at all. Because stabbing someone that displeased me is a psychotic behavior. You not thinking that type of behavior is psychotic is incredibly troublesome to me. It indicates you have severe issues and should seek immediate counseling. It definitely isn’t sexy . . . unless you are a serial killer or the type of person that enjoys torturing children or small animals. I am the type to carve you up verbally . . . but physical violence? Never . . . no one is ever worth sacrificing my physical freedom for.

Speaking of which . . . something tells me that you violate one of my dating rules . . . when did you get out prison?

***

From: uwontforgetme
To: Jenny
Date: July 3, 2010 9:20 am
Subject: Re: Hi

Woh woh woh! No one said I was in prison!

***

To: Jenny
From: uwontforgetme
Date: July 4, 2010 12:12 pm
Subject: Re: Hi

Oh I apologize . . . I forget the semantics of it all. Was it state or county jail?

***

From: uwontforgetme
To: Jenny
Date: July 4, 2010 3:29 pm
Subject: Re: Hi

You are kind of a bitch. But I like it. And it was county. Doesn’t even count.

***

To: Jenny
From: uwontforgetme
Date: July 4, 2010 9:52 pm
Subject: Re: Hi

Mmm . . . well . . . if I needed any additional reason to block you, I now have it. Sorry for being classified as a ‘bitch’ in your world. But, I have standards . . . and those standards do not allow for me to date criminals. And, just so you are aware, county jail totally counts. Do you think that the crime you were convicted of was erased because you didn’t go to state or federal prison? Wrong! You are a criminal . . . face up to it, own up to it . . . I am sure you will be facing a judge many times in the future. Do you think they will discount your county jail time? Rest assured – they won’t! And I am sure that your probation/parole officer thinks your jail time counts . . . you are a drain on his/her already overused time.

My dating standards also dictate that I don’t date men that get hard-ons from obsessive, psychotic behavior. Unless you like being carved up with a kitchen knife, it isn’t something that you should find stimulating. Seek therapy the next time you are locked up. You will seriously benefit from it.

And I don’t communicate with men that call me a bitch. I embrace being one . . . but crap weasels like you aren’t allowed to address me as such.

As is so often the case with the loserville’s on this site that email me, I won’t wish you good luck with your dating life. I will wish you good luck in staying out of the state penitentiary. But something tells me that you aren’t going to have that good fortune. I hope you are into bondage . . . you won’t be free for long!

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXIX

Hello boys and girls! I hope that this update finds you all doing well and managing to make it through spring with joy and minimal allergy attacks!

So, this Hall of Shame entry is coming to you compliments of the gossip mill . . . which runs like mad in small town like mine. Unfortunately, people tend to believe the stupid shit that they hear. And, even more unfortunate, they will ask me about the stupid shit that they hear!

Check out the email chain below for an exchange I had yesterday with an alleged friend . . . somehow I think a friend no more! Feel free to let me know if you think I was overly sensitive. I can take the criticism . . . maybe!

***

From: Nosy Noserson
To: Jenny
Subject: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

You came up in a convo last night. What is the situation with your r-ship? I thought you were in one and I heard last night you are running around with someone else on the side. I was really surprised to hear that. Let me know!

***

From: Jenny
To: Nosy Noserson
Subject: RE: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

Mmm . . . I am not quite sure how to respond to this message really because it bothers me on several levels. What exactly was it that was being said? And I certainly hope that you would not believe I would act in such a way. Although, by virtue of the fact that you felt compelled to email and ask, it would indicate that you did believe it.

***

From: Nosy Noserson
To: Jenny
Subject: RE: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

Don’t be so sensitive! You know we love to talk! We were discussing some things and it came up that you were dating several people. I am the one that said you were in a relationship. But that led to mention of you spending all of your time with someone that isn’t your boyfriend. So, you tell me what that means. It is your behavior, not mine, that is making people talk.

***

From: Jenny
To: Nosy Noserson
Subject: RE: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

It’s fascinating how me having a male friend has apparently turned me into a giant whore. And I just love how you are so willing to believe it. And I am not being sensitive! How I spend my time, whether or not I am in a relationship, really isn’t anyone else’s business. It’s really sad that you and your cohorts have such little else going on in your lives that you are resorting to making up lies about mine.

***

From: Nosy Noserson
To: Jenny
Subject: RE: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

I should have known you would freak over this. But, you have to know that if you act a certain way, people are going to talk. It doesn’t mean that people think you are a whore. The last time we saw each other, you were in a solid relationship. Now you are spending 24x7 with someone else? What is with that? And everyone thinks you are in a relationship – but definitely not with this person you are always with. It is only reasonable to think that you have something not quite kosher going on. And I don’t think it is right for you to behave that way if the men in your life do not know what is going on. Someone could get hurt and that isn’t right.

***

From: Jenny
To: Nosy Noserson
Subject: RE: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

You are so ridiculous that I cannot even begin to string together enough words to capture it. Are you really intimating that I am the type of person to be involved with multiple people? You really do not know me at all do you?!? Well, let me enlighten you on a few things.

First, there is this lovely concept of friendship. Boys and girls can be JUST friends. If I am gallivanting around with a man, that I am not in a relationship with, he is my friend. And, you know what? I am not fucking him. Why is that? Because I have a moral compass that would not allow for that type of behavior. Unlike you! The last time I checked, weren’t you in an open marriage? That very thought makes me throw up in my mouth. But, I have – time and time again – defended your right to do whatever you want with your marriage. Too bad you do not display the same loyalty. Trust me, I won’t waste my energy defending you in the future . . . I may even join in the fun.

Second, what is your interest in the situation? What exactly is there for you to get all worked up about? Why would you care if I ‘hurt’ someone? Do you have an interest in the person I am in a relationship with? Or are you interested in my friend? Don’t think I’m a total idiot here . . . I know how you roll. And if you are concerned about anything, it is what you can get out of it. And trust me, neither of them would ever want anything to do with you.

Third, perhaps you should try to work on this lovely thing that we call ‘minding your own business’. And I would encourage you to have your partners in crime do the same thing. I also call it ‘getting a life’. My life is my own . . . and if you have nothing better to do than sit around and discuss it, then I feel really very sorry for you. I mean, I know that I am fascinating and all . . . but if you are all going to sit around and gossip about me, I would at least encourage you to make sure it is true – or keep it to yourself. I am not a fan of gossip . . . it has caused me an immeasurable amount of pain in my life and I will not get sucked into that nightmare ever again. True friends have better things to do than talk badly about the people they love. I know I do. But, then again, I am a true friend. You must not be.

Last, but certainly not least, I don’t think (not for one second) that I am being overly sensitive about this situation. I think it is a really sad state of affairs that you think it is acceptable to sit around and talk shit about your friends. It is even more pathetic that you believed the lies that someone else was spouting off about me . . . so much that you had to check with me about them. It’s disgusting behavior to me. I do not behave like that and I am saddened to know that you do.

That’s all . . .

Jenny

***

From: Nosy Noserson
To: Jenny
Subject: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

I am sorry you feel that way. I guess I thought that checking with you was the best way to handle it. I know otherwise now. That doesn’t mean I am not your friend.

***

From: Jenny
To: Nosy Noserson
Subject: RE: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

It’s simple. Did you believe what the other people were saying about me?

***

From: Nosy Noserson
To: Jenny
Subject: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

Eveyrthing isn’t black and white that way. I did believe it, but I checked. That has to count for something.

***

From: Jenny
To: Nosy Noserson
Subject: RE: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

No, it really doesn’t have to count for anything. Because, to me, you should know better than to believe that I would behave like a streetwalker. And, not for anything, if I were behaving like that, I would at least have the common sense to hide it. I am not a dumbass. If I were squirreling around in a relationship, I would not be parading around my small town with another guy. It’s absurd.

I don’t have anything else to say about this . . . I’m disappointed.

***

From: Nosy Noserson
To: Jenny
Subject: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

So dramatic all of the time! Can’t you just let it go?

***

From: Jenny
To: Nosy Noserson
Subject: RE: Checking In
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 2010

Mmm . . . I am going to go with a ‘NO’ . . . and thank you for now providing me with fodder for my next Hall of Shame entry. I was going to take the high road with this. I no longer feel that I need to do that.

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXVIII

Hello one and all! So, spring is here with a vengeance . . . and I am loving it! Can you even stand how nice it is out?!? I know that I am enjoying this light jacket weather (okay, I know most people are sporting shorts already but I am cold all of the time!).

Well, I have a REAL winner for you with this Hall of Shame entry . . . I do so hope that you enjoy it. It comes to you from the dating web site that I have a profile on . . . which, as you probably know, lists me as being ‘in a relationship’ and ‘not available’. Regardless, this crackadoodle didn’t get that memo and really wanted to show his ass – even starting out really badly by insulting me. Read on for a humorous exchange . . . I know that I truly enjoyed it! And, just so you are aware, his screen name wasn’t “EbonyLoser” . . . it was a variation of “EbonyLover” . . . I changed it to protect his dumb behind! Although he really is horrific and deserves to be outed to the public! ;)

***

To: Jenny
From: EbonyLoser
Date: 04/02/2010
Subject: Sup?

I checked your page. You arent that pretty and admit to being fat. So tell me why I should be interested in you.

***

To: EbonyLoser
From: Jenny
Date: 04/03/2010
Subject: Re: Sup?

Are you kidding me with that email? I am not interested in telling you anything . . . get lost.

***

To: Jenny
From: EbonyLoser
Date: 04/03/2010
Subject: Re: Sup?

Not a joke. Im a hot commodity. Why should I date someone like you over the other women on this site? I would like to know.

***

To: EbonyLoser
From: Jenny
Date: 04/03/2010
Subject: Re: Sup?

You shouldn’t date me . . . I would never consider you. You are clearly a loser. Now, I said it before, get lost. In addition to not being very pretty and being fat, I’m really not very nice.

***

To: Jenny
From: EbonyLoser
Date: 04/03/2010
Subject: Re: Sup?

Not a good response. How do you expect to catch me like that? You big girls like a black man, dont you? I know we like you.

***

To: EbonyLoser
From: Jenny
Date: 04/04/2010
Subject: Re: Sup?

I can’t take it . . . really, I tried . . . and I just do not have it in me to let it go any longer. Do you have any idea how unfathomably rude and disgusting you are? Has that pick-up e-mail EVER worked for you? Because if it has, I feel really badly for the pathetic creature that lacked the self-esteem needed in order to shoot your sorry ass to the curb the way that you deserve. Let me just break a few things down for you (if you are capable of reading as much as I am about to write) . . . and then I will block you from contacting me again.

1) You are a hot commodity? In what universe are you hot? I can only imagine that it is your sorry mama telling you that . . . because your pock-filled face is one that ONLY a mother could love. And let me just mention to you that if the only pictures you have of yourself include you sporting stained clothing, you may just want to refrain from posting any at all. No woman wants to date Pigpen. NOT sexy.

2) Why should you want to date someone like me? Well . . . I would have to say because it would be the first sign of common sense that you would ever display. But, the reality is that someone like me – with decency, taste, and class – would never look twice at someone like you and someone like me would NEVER respond positively to such a disrespectful introductory message. You may want to consider some personality training. Whatever ghetto you grew up in must have rubbed off on you . . . but it isn’t something that most women find attractive. I know I don’t!

3) How do I expect to catch you? I think we have established that I am not interested in doing so. In fact, had you actually taken the time to READ my profile, you would see that I am in a relationship and am not pursuing new romantic interests at this time. So, this whole exchange could have been avoided . . . had you just possessed a little attention to detail. And the only way I want to catch you is if I were chasing you down with my car. However, rest assured that in that instance, I would indeed catch you.

4) Big girls like a black man because you like us? Hmm . . . really? What is it that you think is so appealing about you? Being disrespected and treated like absolute garbage? Because I can clearly see the level of respect that you would treat any woman in your life. Your first sentence to me was filled with trash . . . and there is nowhere to go from there but down. In this instance, I think that you saw that I am a big girl and considered me easy target for your abuse. However, you clearly misjudged the situation. I am not one of those weak and pathetic ‘big girls’ that is desperate for any male attention . . . that is willing to cling to your every word and would love to kiss your revolting feet. If that is what you are looking for (and believe me, I know your type), you may want to consider a dog . . . but, somehow I am sure you would abuse an animal just as horribly as you would the woman in your life. An animal I can feel sorry for . . . but any woman that would elect to be with you would just be full-on stupid. And, trust me, I am not that woman.

Now that I have cleared up a few of your outstanding questions, I am going to sign off. I hope that you managed to make it through this lengthy email. I know that I am exceedingly verbose, but I think it would be a valuable use of your time to reflect on the items I mentioned above and see how you can improve yourself. Truly, you could only improve, since you are a giant pile of shit now.

Suck it,
Jenny

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXVII

Hello everyone! I know, I know . . . it has been way too long since I graced you with an entry in the Hall of Shame. As with everything else, it isn’t because I have not had anything to write up . . . but the reality is quite simple. I have been too busy to mock the poor suckerbunnies that contact me!

For this Hall of Shame entry, I was caught between two people . . . the first retard that was in the running is actually a long-time ‘friend’. I eventually took the person out of the pool because I thought it was just too cruel of me to do it. But, the winning entry for the Hall of Shame was just too ridiculous to keep to myself.

As you may know, I was doing the whole online dating thing for a bit. It was a HOT mess! Not that it didn’t have some great moments – and a great outcome – but the majority of the people on the site that I elected to use were just beyond absurd. And, even now, when my profile clearly lists me as “Seeing Someone” and states that I am “Unavailable for romantic points of contact” it does not deter people from emailing me. Now, that being said, I want to point out to you that I said ‘people’ for a very specific reason here . . . because the person in this entry is a WOMAN! Oh yeah . . . a woman tried to pick me up on the dating site – even though my profile clearly has me listed as Straight. So, check out the email interaction below with this woman. I have to say that it is particularly awesome!

Remember as well . . . I have a personal rule that I always write back to people that contact me – just out of respect. I think that it is rude to ignore points of contact, because I would hate it if I put myself out there and someone couldn’t even take a second to respond to me. But, unlike most of these people, I would accept their response with dignity and move on with my life!

I also want to point out that I have several very good friends that are gay and I adore them. None of my comments are meant in any way, shape, or form meant to hurt or disparage anyone. But (as in all things), if you are going to pull this lion’s tail, you have to be prepared for the claws!

***

To: Jenny
From: Not-So-HotChick4U
Date: 03/03/2010
Subject: U R Smokin!

The subject says it all. I came across your page and had to send you a message to make sure you know how smokin hot you are. I’m Rebecca and am looking to meet up with you soon. Send me a message back.

***

To: Not-So-HotChick4U
From: Jenny
Date: 03/03/2010
Subject: Re: U R Smokin!

Thanks your very unusual message. However, I am actually in a committed, heterosexual relationship (as indicated on my profile) and am not looking to pursue anything new. Best wishes to you as you continue your search. I hope that you find what you are looking for.

***

To: Jenny
From: Not-So-HotChick4U
Date: 03/03/2010
Subject: Re: U R Smokin!

Yeah right. Talk about denial. I know who you are and you are not with a guy. I’m not playing games here. Lets just exchange numbers and get something started.

***

To: Not-So-HotChick4U
From: Jenny
Date: 03/03/2010
Subject: Re: U R Smokin!

Mmm . . . you must have me confused with someone else there Rebecca. Because you do not know who I am – nor do you know anything about me. So, I would suggest that you take your interest elsewhere.

***

To: Jenny
From: Not-So-HotChick4U
Date: 03/04/2010
Subject: Re: U R Smokin!

I’m not confused. I know you know who I am. You can pretend that you don’t want to be with me, but I know the truth. You are hot and so I am. Two women that look the way we do belong together. Give me your number and lets roll.

***

To: Not-So-HotChick4U
From: Jenny
Date: 03/04/2010
Subject: Re: U R Smokin!

You are beyond pathetic. If you want the truth, I will lay it out for you. If you knew me at all (which we both know you don’t), you would know how brutally honest I am. So, here it is:

1. If I were a lesbian, there is no way in HELL that I would be attracted to you. You look like a dude. And I would want someone that is at least as pretty as I am. As you said, I’m hot . . . let’s not pretend I’m not. You know I deserve better than you.

2. Two women that look the way we do belong together? I think you need a mirror . . . because you don’t look anything like a woman. Unless you are a cancer patient that is just growing back in your hair, you should consider a wig. And there is this great invention called make-up. You may want to run out to the nearest Sephora and request a consultation.

3. I am a heterosexual. I really do like the dick. When someone takes the time to tell you that, I would suggest that you believe them. By some miracle, if a man were to continuously hit on you, would you like it if he didn’t back off when you told him you were a raging lesbian? So take a note of this important lesson try to actually LISTEN when people respond to you. Most of the time, they are either trying to save hurting your feelings or – God forbid – telling the truth. Either way, you won’t get unnecessarily hurt in the process.

Now, Rebecca, wouldn’t this have been nicer had you just gone away after our first exchange? I am sure it goes without saying that I will be blocking you from contacting me again and reporting you for inappropriate contact on the site.

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXVI

I am going to put a strong disclaimer at the beginning of this blog entry and warn EVERYONE that it contains some material that some may find offensive (primarily people on social assistance or unmarried mothers). While I am not going to apologize for any of my words (as I sincerely meant them), what I will say is that I am not directing judgment in any way towards anyone other than the person to which I was communicating in this email. I thought long and hard before deciding that I would share this exchange and decided that it is my right to do so. If any of my ‘friends’ takes a personal exception to it, then they have the ability to exercise use of the ‘Remove From Friends’ button and move on with their lives. I’m not going to get into a social debate over any of my words.

So, here is the deal. I am single and have been actively dating – making no secret of that fact. I have been dating a number of different people and apparently have been seen being squired around town by various gentlemen. A woman, that I would have previously considered to be a friend (from a past religious life), emailed me with concern about my behavior. And here is the hot freaking mess that ensued.

***

From: Interfering Religious Nightmare
To: Jenny
Subject: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

Jenny,
It’s been a while girl! I miss you! But you have been the topic of several discussions around the Hall lately and I had to let you know that I don’t think that you are making wise choices for yourself these days. Even though you decided to leave, you need to think about what you are doing and how it impacts your life. It isn’t good for you to be seen with a different guy every night of the week. What are people going to think of you? Don’t you have any respect for yourself? Have you changed so much? Just take a few steps back and think about what you are doing, reflect in prayer, and I think that you may make some smarter choices in the future. I don’t want to see you end up in a mess.
Agape,
Interfering Religious Nightmare

***

From: Jenny
To: Interfering Religious Nightmare
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

Dear Interfering Religious Nightmare,

Wow! What an interesting email to receive . . . I have to say that I am surprised that you would contact me with a message like that! It has been an exceedingly long time since we have been in touch. I did try to retain our friendship, but you never seemed to have the time to get together. Although, apparently since you and your cohorts don’t have anything better to do than gossip about me, I can see why you wouldn’t have time to maintain a friendship with a decent person. I would actually thank you to not discuss me with those people . . . none of you know anything about me or my life, so I would recommend that you mind your own business.

Jenny

***

From: Interfering Religious Nightmare
To: Jenny
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

Jenny,
You have taken our concern for your life the wrong way. We are all concerned for you, which is why it was brought up. People see you out at all hours of the day and night, each time with a different man, and what do you expect them to think Jenny? That is not appropriate behavior of a God-fearing woman and you know better than to act in such a manner. I am surprised that you would be doing that when you know the dangers of the flesh. I continue to hope and pray that you will return. You are in my constant thoughts.
Agape,
Interfering Religious Nightmare

***

From: Jenny
To: Interfering Religious Nightmare
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

Mmmm . . . so just because I am seen out – IN THE GENERAL PUBLIC – with men, it makes people worry about me? That is the most absurd thing possible. No one knows what the situation is with the person that I might be out with and it isn’t any of their business. But, naturally, since I know how warped everyone in your religion is, you all automatically assume the worst. Heaven forbid that I should actually be able to control my sexual impulses! However, the last time that I checked, my behavior wasn’t any concern of yours. I neither want nor need your prayers. Save them for someone that is interested sister. And save your concern for someone that needs it . . . I am perfectly fine.

***

From: Interfering Religious Nightmare
To: Jenny
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

For someone that is innocent, you are taking offense to my concern for you. All I know is that, from the outside, it makes you look like a women with loose morals. And I only thought it was fair to let you know how it appeared to other people. That is all.

***

From: Jenny
To: Interfering Religious Nightmare
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

OHHHHH . . . I totally get it. So, because I date, I am a whore? Because I date different men, I am automatically screwing each one of them?!? You know what? The last time I checked, I wasn’t the one that had two children by two different men . . . neither of which I was married to. So, if you are going to cast dispersions on someone, you may want to look in the mirror sweetie. Because if you are looking for a woman of ill repute, it sure as FUCK isn’t me.

***

From: Interfering Religious Nightmare
To: Jenny
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

Your words were like a knife through my heart. I will admit that I have made mistakes, but have asked and received forgiveness for those. It isn’t fair for you to throw my past up at me when I have worked hard to move past it. And I am trying to help save you. Your eternal life is at risk here.

***

From: Jenny
To: Interfering Religious Nightmare
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

Oh yes . . . your convenient indiscretions. How old is the baby? Ten months now? And you never even got disfellowshipped for the last one . . . I know how it works. Believe me . . . I have been around enough to know. And I told you before that I don’t need you to save me – that isn’t something that is in your power, nor should it be something that you should want to do. Look within girl . . . I think you have more than enough personal issues to handle, without trying to ‘help’ me. I’ve got a rocking life over here . . . I am a productive member of society, with gainful employment, wonderfully loving and supportive friends, and a VERY active social life (as you and your stalking friends know). I couldn’t ask for me. Oh wait . . . I can and am asking you to now leave me alone. I’m not interested in any further nonsense from you. Just let it go . . .

***

From: Interfering Religious Nightmare
To: Jenny
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

You think I didn’t get your dig about employment? I know you were mocking me about being on assistance. That was just mean and unnecessary. I am trying and am doing the best that I can do. That is all that any of us can do. I am dedicating my life to God and raising my children the best way that I can. I only hope that you can turn your life around before it is too late. Satan has snared you and I am so sorry for you.

***

From: Jenny
To: Interfering Religious Nightmare
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

Actually I was not mocking you for being on welfare and living in a project . . . but since you brought it up, I think maybe you should expend some of the precious energy that you use in service to God in actually looking for a job so that I don’t have to work so hard to support you and your children. If I am so snared by the Devil, you shouldn’t want my money paying your way!

***

From: Interfering Religious Nightmare
To: Jenny
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

Did you want to make me cry? Because that is what you have done. I will continue to pray for your return, but you know things between us will never be the same. I am sorry for you and hope that you do not end up crawling back to me and asking for forgiveness. But I think you will.

***

From: Jenny
To: Interfering Religious Nightmare
Subject: Re: Your Activities
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 2010

You just couldn’t let it go, could you? Honey . . . the day I come crawling back to you for anything, will be the day AFTER they put me into the ground. And the only thing that will come to you will be my spirit – to haunt you for being such an evil witch. Now, dry those tears . . . I don’t want you crying. That’s just weak and pathetic . . . if you were truly doing the ‘best that you can’ then my words wouldn’t have meant a damn thing to you. Now, I am off on a HOT date. Hopefully I run into one of your cohorts. I’ll make sure to wave.

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXV

I think that online dating is going to keep me EXTREMELY busy when it comes to Hall of Shame entries! Even though my dating profile is not currently active, it does not stop people from contacting me if they had accessed my page previously (as the site retains a history of pages viewed).

The first thing that I would think is that if someone has deactivated their page, is that they do not wish to be contacted. Right? You know I am! Well, people are either lacking in the common sense necessary to make that determination on their own or they must think that they are divine enough to change my mind. Because I still get contacted . . . with annoying regularity. Why don’t I just delete my page you ask? Simply because if I decide to reactive my profile at some point in the future, I refuse to be forced to recreate the wheel . . . when they have an ‘inactive’ status for that exact purpose.

Just because I refuse to be one of those rude people that ignores points of contact, I actually do respond to all messages that I receive. And I include a very nicely worded email thanking the individual for their interest and wishing them the best with their search, but tell them that I am not interested in pursuing anything new at the current time. It is a nice and respectful way to behave. However, that exact behavior seems to have landed me into my latest online adventure. Read below for the email chain from the latest loser du jour!

To: Jenny
From: sexyman4u (NOT!!!)
Date: December 14, 2009 1:04 am

Why is your profile not active? You are on my favorites list so I can still see you. Are you just being coy?

***

To: sexyman4u (NOT!!!)
From: Jenny
Date: December 15, 2009 5:12 pm

No, I am not being coy. I am not looking to meet new people at this time, but do appreciate your interest. I wish you the best and hope that you are able to find what you are looking for.

***

To: Jenny
From: sexyman4u (NOT!!!)
Date: December 15, 2009 5:34 pm

I am pretty sure you are just being coy. You should look at my profile and I am sure that you will reconsider your decision not to meet new people. I think that I could be the man you are looking for. No doubt.

***

To: sexyman4u (NOT!!!)
From: Jenny
Date: December 15, 2009 7:20 pm

While I cannot fault you for being confident, I also have to take a moment to assure you that I know my own mind and there is nothing to reconsider. This is not a personal attack on you, but if someone tells you that they are not interested (for any reason) it is a good idea to just accept that fact and move on. Thanks again for your message and good luck to you!

***

To: Jenny
From: sexyman4u (NOT!!!)
Date: December 15, 2009 8:22 pm

I am confident. That is why I know we will be a great match. I can see it in your pretty pictures. We would make an ideal couple. Why don’t you stop playing hard to get now and turn on your IM so we can get started falling in love?

***

To: sexyman4u (NOT!!!)
From: Jenny
Date: December 15, 2009 8:45 pm

Wow . . . your response actually made me laugh out loud. You clearly have no way of knowing who you are dealing with here, so let me take just a second to lay it on the line for you.

I tried to turn you down by being exceedingly polite. Apparently you are thick in the head and do not understand common courtesy and the meaning of the word “No”. You are probably the same type of man that thinks a woman that gets raped really wanted it.

A great match? Really? Because if you look at our match scores, we are a bottom of the barrel match. Rarely have I seen such a poor match – 72% enemy?!? I think I will have to pass on what you interpret as “ideal”. The site does have some concept of what they are doing – and I am not one of those believers that opposites attract. A match made in hell is what it sounds like to me!

Playing hard to get? It isn’t a game. I am impossible for you to get! But, if this were a game-like situation, I would have scored just by virtue of the fact that I do not have to converse with you any longer. I do so love the ‘Block User’ feature on this site. And in case your dense mind can’t figure it out, I am blocking you after sending this message. TOUCHDOWN!!!!

Falling in love over IM? Really? Now that is just pathetic. What do you think that you could possibly type that would evoke such a strong emotion in any woman – let alone someone like me, who is obviously superior to you on every level?

Now, I would highly recommend that you crawl back under whatever rock it is from which you emerged. Any woman of class, distinction, and (dare I say it) TASTE, will not want anything to do with someone that is abrasive, condescending, and obtuse. I won’t wish you good luck with my closing remark . . . as I do so hope that there isn’t anyone out there dumb enough to fall for you.

~Jenny

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXIV

Here is the deal . . . after my last failed relationship, I decided that I would actually pursue the world of online dating. At the very least, I figured that I couldn’t possibly do any worse finding people online than I have been doing in real life. Right? I mean, in all seriousness, I have TERRIBLE luck with guys . . . and thought that maybe a change of pace would be a good thing.

So, I already had a profile on a web site that could potentially be used for dating. Instead of starting from scratch, I elected to just populate the page with real information and roll with it . . . and see where it got me. And, in the grand scheme of things, I have actually done well. I have been talking with some seemingly nice people and went on several nice dates already. One gentleman in particular absolutely rocks . . . he is pretty special. However, you KNOW that there is always an exception to that rule . . . and that is my current Hall of Shame winner.

This loserville emailed me the same day that I activated my profile on the web site. I didn’t think he was a troll or anything and we seemed to have some things in common, so I thought that I would write back to him. He was one of the crunchy granola, artist types – but I didn’t mind because he had a real job.

All of that aside, we emailed and instant messaged for a couple of days and he seemed relatively nice. And then the axe fell . . . we were so NOT compatible when it came to one very important area. Can you guess what it was? Come on . . . you know you can! Religion! Read below for our interaction . . . it is an absolute riot!

****

From: Crunchy Granola Loser
To: Jenny
Date: October 19, 2009

We have not had a discussion about religion. Your profile says ‘Christian and laughing about it’. What exactly do you find funny about Christ?

****

From: Jenny
To: Crunchy Granola Loser
Date: October 19, 2009

I don’t find anything specifically funny about Christ . . . however, I do find organized religion to be an absolute nightmare – filled with nothing but hypocrites, liars, and pedophiles. I choose to laugh about it, rather than waste any other of my valuable emotions on it. I notice that your profile does not have a response populated for that question. I assumed that meant that you were not religiously inclined. Was that an incorrect assumption?

****

From: Crunchy Granola Loser
To: Jenny
Date: October 19, 2009

Yes, Jenny, that was an incorrect assumption on your part. You know that assuming anything makes an ass out of you and that is what happened here. It is people like you that are ruining the world for honest hearted Christians like me. I am shocked that someone that is educated and well-versed as you are would have such a false belief about religion. I can only pray that you will be shown the light and be saved by Christ. If you cannot put your life in the hands of our Lord and Savior and return to church, I cannot continue to talk to you. People that mock Christianity are doomed to burn in hellfire.

****

From: Jenny
To: Crunchy Granola Loser
Date: October 19, 2009

Good God Y’all! You are serious, aren’t you? Honey bun, you need to step away from whatever Kool-Aid you have been drinking and open your eyes. Every single organized religion in this world is corrupt. I didn’t say one false word about God or his son and you do not have to haul your ass into church in order to have a strong belief system or values. If you really believe that everyone that does not go to church is going straight to hell, I feel very bad for you. What about all of the Christians that live in third world countries that do not have official churches? Are they to die just because they are poverty stricken? You pompous ass!

You want to know what I think? I think that your Lord and Savior must be pretty DAMN disappointed in his little minion if he was bearing witness to the sexually explicit instant messages that you were trying to send to me the other night. Did you pray for forgiveness for the weakness of your flesh after I spurned you? You better have . . . or that in itself should have earned you a hot spot in hell!

Trust me . . . I have learned and forgotten more than you will ever know about the Bible and I no longer need any part of it. You can take your religious beliefs and have them keep your organic behind warm in bed - because I do not want any part of it. Religious zealots are not welcome in my world!

This will be my final email . . . I am blocking you, as I see no need to continue this discussion. I won’t even wish you good luck with your search for a partner, because I will feel bad for the woman that ultimately ends up with you.

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXIII

So, I ended a relationship on September 2nd that I thought was going to be ‘the one’. Boy did I make the mistake of a lifetime! Since ending the relationship, my Dejected Loser has texted me over 200 times, called my cell phone over 150 times, called my home and office an unknown number of times, and has even begun creating new email accounts to contact me because I blocked his primary accounts.

Ending a relationship isn’t something that I take lightly . . . and I did it in a kind, but straightforward manner. I have not been in contact with him since the break-up . . . because doing so would just continue the pain when there is no hope of us being together. Anyway, below you will find what I hope will be the final communication between me and my Dejected Loser. If he cannot get the message now, I am not quite sure what path I will be forced to take . . . but can I pick them or what?!?

******

From: Dejected Loser
To: Jenny
Subject: How far will I sink?
Date: Monday, October 5, 2009
Message:
My love,
I cannot believe the depths to which you have driven me, to which I will go to get into contact with you. It angers me to think that just this time last month, we were blissfully in love and where are we now? You threaten me with abuse orders through my daughter. You damage me in ways I never thought and yet I still reach out to you. You say I try to control you, yet refuse to consider those actions as demonstration of my love of you. I need you in my life and am willing to do whatever it is that you say I need to do to make that happen. Please pick up the phone and answer my calls babe. I can’t believe you are doing this to us because of a mistake - one word said to you in anger.
Yours eternally,
Dejected Loser

*****

From: Jenny
To: Dejected Loser
Subject: Re: How far will I sink?
Date: Monday, October 5, 2009
Message:
I am not sure how much more clearly I can say this. Your pathetic attempts to get back with me are just that – pathetic. It has now been over a month and your inability to accept that our relationship is over is unbelievable to me. So, let me break this down for you in a way that I hope you are going to be able to understand.

1) I do not want to ever see you again. The very thought of coming into contact with you in person makes me physically ill. I mortally regret every second of the seven months that I spent with you. You are an unwelcome presence in my life and if you do show up at my home, you can rest assured that I will call the police and have you physically removed.

2) Your controlling behavior of me was a demonstration of love? Really? Well, let me try to enlighten you about that. That same ‘affection’ forced your loving wife, of over twenty years, ultimately to cheat on you. So, I would strongly recommend that you reevaluate how you show your affection because it is scaring off the women in your life. If you love someone, you do not need to smother them. Trust is a wonderful thing . . . if you do not have it in a relationship, you have NOTHING!

3) I damage you? I have not yet begun to fight dirty . . . but you should know me well enough to know that I will. So let me reiterate to you that I need you to leave me alone. The texts, phone calls to my home, cell phone, and office need to stop. You know I blocked your primary email accounts, so the email messages from newly created accounts also need to stop. Your pleas are falling on deaf ears. I am responding to you this FINAL time; this will be the last communication from me. You need to move on with your life. I bear you no ill will . . . I just cannot be with you. You have to accept that because there is no other option for you.

4) There is nothing that you can say or do that is going to place you back in my life. We are not friends and we are not in a romantic relationship any longer. There is no room for you in my world.

5) One word said to me in anger. Yes, it was one word. But the word was WHORE. You called me a whore. And the part that I cannot get past, for the life of me, is that you absolutely meant it when you said it. So, you can apologize until the end of time, but that does not change the very simple fact that you believe me capable of not only being unfaithful to you, but you think that I have questionable morals. There is nothing else to be said based on that statement alone. I will not get past that and do not want to. Call me immature, unforgiving, and whatever else you need to in order to get over this . . . but just do it because it no longer matters to me what you think. You can even think I am the biggest whore in Southeastern Pennsylvania and it will not make a difference. At the end of the day, I know the truth and I can sleep at night. Somehow I do not think that you can or you would not be harassing me.

Please stop now . . . I implore you to use the brain that God gave you to do so. I wish only the best for you and your family. Be happy and healthy . . . and find someone to spend the rest of your life with. That someone is not me.

Best Wishes,
Jenny

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXII

Oh my goodness! It is September already! How did that happen?!? I swear that it was just spring . . . or summer . . . and now fall is literally upon us. Mind you, this is one chica that could not be happier about that, but where is the time going? I hardly seem to find the time to write these days, even though I do have the very best of intentions . . . there are just so many things that take me away from the computer. That is definitely a positive change in my life though . . . not a complaint.

Anyway, I have a seemingly innocuous Hall of Shame entry for you today that I decided to share . . . but I am sharing it because I am partially to blame for this one. For the most part, I will not accept any accountability for the revolting messages that plague my Inbox; however this situation was a little different. And I own up when I make a mistake . . . so that is what I am doing here. I’ll break it down for you!

So, this guy, who I am going to call Dick, requests to be my friend on Facebook for playing games. I don’t have an issue with that because I add a lot of people to build up my teams and then generally delete them afterward. Well, I didn’t delete him because I didn’t get around to it and after a couple of weeks, he started sending me non-game application invitations. For example, he would send things like hearts, kisses, quizzes to what sexual position are you, and other miscellaneous lame things like that.

I didn’t pay much attention to the content of the messages, but would respond when I had time . . . but then he started sending some really funky and weird sexual ones . . . which I naturally just ignored. I will say that I returned the virtual kisses and hearts . . . figuring that there wasn’t any harm in it . . . it is just Facebook, after all! And I took the sex quiz thing for fun too (I’m spooning position, by the way!).

Mmm . . . well . . . we all know that I just HAD to be wrong about there not being any harm in me returning/responding to these messages. Check out the email that I got from Dick this morning . . . there really aren’t even any words!

******

From: Dick

Subject: hot

"hello baby you seem so hot, you make me horny; let me be yours !!"

******

Okay . . . so I have decided to just remove this guy from my friend list and not respond to the email. I am only going to do that because I do accept some of the blame for maybe potentially leading him on by returning the virtual kisses and hearts. However, let me assure you, that (in my opinion) a virtual kiss is not really intended to incite horniness in MARRIED middle-aged French men!

So, just as an FYI to any of you reading this . . . if I previously sent you a heart, it was not with the intention that you fall madly in love with me. And if I sent you a kiss, it did not mean that I was or am lusting after your ripe flesh. And, above and beyond all things that are holy, I don’t want you getting horny and telling me about it! Do what you want in the privacy of your home, but don’t invade the sanctity of my mind with that information.

That is it on the Jenny front for now . . . I’ll be back soon with another message. Behave yourselves in the interim. But, you know I won’t! ;)

The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXI

I know . . . it’s been way too long since I have written a Hall of Shame blog! But, this one was way too good to keep to myself, so I just had to share it with you. Read on for my loser of the week and I will try to write more. Sadly, I am never lacking in fools to school! ;)

******

Dustin 5:05pm Aug 21st
im sorry but i have to ask this. r u submissive? cause u really really look it? sry to ask

Jenny 5:06pm Aug 21st
Just because I am dying to know . . . how does one look submissive?

Dustin 5:12pm Aug 21st
idk i can usually just tell

Jenny 5:20pm Aug 21st
Mmm . . . interesting. However, I am not, so go bother someone else.

Dustin 5:28pm Aug 21st
i think u r. i wud luv to spank u and pull ur long hair. i no u wud luv it.

Jenny 5:32pm Aug 21st
Listen Dustin . . . I am all for sexual freedom and people have every right to their little kinks, but when you decide to introduce yours into my world, I actually do get to weigh in on them. Had you just let the conversation end after I told you that I was not interested, it would have been fine. However, since you didn’t here is a little bit of information for you:

1) There will never come a day when you, or anyone else, will be welcome to spank me. I would actually welcome the day when someone would try because it would mean that I get to lay the royal smackdown on their pathetic ass for assuming that I would think that action would be enjoyable. You know what I think would be fun? Watching that sucker’s nose bleed after I punched it.

2) Hair pulling? Really?!? I actually love my hair and it is inconceivable to me that a freakazoid like you would think it acceptable to pull it, in some pathetic attempt to dominate me. Sexy? Maybe to a loser!

3) And if you think that you can tell what a submissive woman looks like from a picture, I think that you need to recalibrate your radar, because it pointed you in the wrong direction with me! Incidentally, I would suggest that you go to web site specifically geared towards people of your sexual orientation if you are looking to make hook-up points . . . because I am quite happy to be vanilla.

4) If you have to resort to dominating a woman in bed, it makes me think that you aren’t much of man in the real world. You may want to consider seeking psychiatric guidance to work on your self-esteem. Inflicting pain on someone else should never be what it takes to bring you happiness or sexual gratification. I think it is pretty sick and twisted.

I’m quite finished now . . . but you have provided me with fodder for my Hall of Shame blog series. Congratulations loser!

The Non-Submissive Jenny