The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXIV

Here is the deal . . . after my last failed relationship, I decided that I would actually pursue the world of online dating. At the very least, I figured that I couldn’t possibly do any worse finding people online than I have been doing in real life. Right? I mean, in all seriousness, I have TERRIBLE luck with guys . . . and thought that maybe a change of pace would be a good thing.

So, I already had a profile on a web site that could potentially be used for dating. Instead of starting from scratch, I elected to just populate the page with real information and roll with it . . . and see where it got me. And, in the grand scheme of things, I have actually done well. I have been talking with some seemingly nice people and went on several nice dates already. One gentleman in particular absolutely rocks . . . he is pretty special. However, you KNOW that there is always an exception to that rule . . . and that is my current Hall of Shame winner.

This loserville emailed me the same day that I activated my profile on the web site. I didn’t think he was a troll or anything and we seemed to have some things in common, so I thought that I would write back to him. He was one of the crunchy granola, artist types – but I didn’t mind because he had a real job.

All of that aside, we emailed and instant messaged for a couple of days and he seemed relatively nice. And then the axe fell . . . we were so NOT compatible when it came to one very important area. Can you guess what it was? Come on . . . you know you can! Religion! Read below for our interaction . . . it is an absolute riot!

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From: Crunchy Granola Loser
To: Jenny
Date: October 19, 2009

We have not had a discussion about religion. Your profile says ‘Christian and laughing about it’. What exactly do you find funny about Christ?

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From: Jenny
To: Crunchy Granola Loser
Date: October 19, 2009

I don’t find anything specifically funny about Christ . . . however, I do find organized religion to be an absolute nightmare – filled with nothing but hypocrites, liars, and pedophiles. I choose to laugh about it, rather than waste any other of my valuable emotions on it. I notice that your profile does not have a response populated for that question. I assumed that meant that you were not religiously inclined. Was that an incorrect assumption?

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From: Crunchy Granola Loser
To: Jenny
Date: October 19, 2009

Yes, Jenny, that was an incorrect assumption on your part. You know that assuming anything makes an ass out of you and that is what happened here. It is people like you that are ruining the world for honest hearted Christians like me. I am shocked that someone that is educated and well-versed as you are would have such a false belief about religion. I can only pray that you will be shown the light and be saved by Christ. If you cannot put your life in the hands of our Lord and Savior and return to church, I cannot continue to talk to you. People that mock Christianity are doomed to burn in hellfire.

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From: Jenny
To: Crunchy Granola Loser
Date: October 19, 2009

Good God Y’all! You are serious, aren’t you? Honey bun, you need to step away from whatever Kool-Aid you have been drinking and open your eyes. Every single organized religion in this world is corrupt. I didn’t say one false word about God or his son and you do not have to haul your ass into church in order to have a strong belief system or values. If you really believe that everyone that does not go to church is going straight to hell, I feel very bad for you. What about all of the Christians that live in third world countries that do not have official churches? Are they to die just because they are poverty stricken? You pompous ass!

You want to know what I think? I think that your Lord and Savior must be pretty DAMN disappointed in his little minion if he was bearing witness to the sexually explicit instant messages that you were trying to send to me the other night. Did you pray for forgiveness for the weakness of your flesh after I spurned you? You better have . . . or that in itself should have earned you a hot spot in hell!

Trust me . . . I have learned and forgotten more than you will ever know about the Bible and I no longer need any part of it. You can take your religious beliefs and have them keep your organic behind warm in bed - because I do not want any part of it. Religious zealots are not welcome in my world!

This will be my final email . . . I am blocking you, as I see no need to continue this discussion. I won’t even wish you good luck with your search for a partner, because I will feel bad for the woman that ultimately ends up with you.