Greetings all! On this wonderfully snowy day in Pennsylvania, I am bringing you a long overdue entry from the Hall of Shame! When I received this email yesterday, I just knew that I had to include it . . . and I know that I have been neglecting you all terribly, but I shall try to be better . . . promise!
So, read below for the email from the loser du jour and then my response directly to him . . . he was actually one of my friends for years and then disappeared from my list. I will admit that I didn’t miss him or anything, but it is all the same to me when you have as many friends as I do, you know? People delete their pages all of the time and I have no control over that. I can’t stalk everyone every day!!! Anyway, I have to say that I found the whole thing pretty amusing!!! Check it out!
***
To: Jenny
From: Wackadoo Crackadoo
Date: March 1, 2009 2:30 pm
Subject: U think ur special
So what u lose some wait and then u think that u are to special to talk wit ur friends? U deleted me from ur page? Thats sum serius shit thur! I wuz ur friend 4 a long time n then u go n delet me like im nutin 2 u? I always had luv 4 u n tried 2 be there 4 u always n u nvr wanted to b wit me. So I got tired of waitn around for u. So now im the bad guy? Thats sum shit girl n u no it! I jus wanted u 2 no that I no wat u r abot now n I dont want no part of it. U arnt rigt n I no it.
***
To: Wackadoo Crackadoo
From: Jenny
Date: March 1, 2009 8:30 pm
Subject: Re: U think ur special
Well, dear heart, I don’t just think that I am special . . . I know that I am and, believe me, I am not looking for validation of that fact from someone of your stature. And, just to expound on that for you, I am not short bus special like you are – with your ghetto grammar, spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure.
Let me just break it down for you and then I will let you get on with your craptacular life (and since you were my ‘friend’ for so long, you will know that you just earned yourself a spot in my Hall of Shame blog series with this email). You should be honored . . . not every loser is so fortunate!
1) When someone loses pounds, it is spelled ‘weight’, not ‘wait’. Wait is what you do when you are standing in line for your short bus every morning.
2) I never, ever gave you any indication that you should wait around for me. When I told you that I wanted to be friends, you should have believed what I said. Sometimes people say that to be nice and avoid hurting your feelings. Apparently I should have just hurt your feelings . . . because I guess you didn’t get the hint. You are right that I didn’t want to be with you . . . and never would. No woman with two brain cells to rub together would make that mistake.
3) I didn’t delete you from my page. You actually deleted me from yours. So, maybe you should get your facts straight before having a meltdown like a whiny little bitch. Either way, though, I am glad because it helped me to see your true colors. You are no ‘friend’ of mine. You are less than nothing to me and I am so glad that you helped to clarify that. Good riddance!
4) You know what I’m about? You think so? Really? What might that be? Decency and living an upright life as a productive member of society? The last time I checked, you were gainfully unemployed and had two children with two different women. What are you about? Leeching off of society and populating the world? Somehow I think that I am the winner here.
5) Last, and certainly not least, I am not right? Hmmm . . . I think that we have established that you cannot possibly have the mental prowess to judge me as being ‘wrong’ in any way, shape, or form . . . so I am going to just close with an encouragement for you to run, not walk, to the nearest physician for a vasectomy as soon as possible. You have done enough damage with your genes. Stop the madness now!
And, in case you were wondering, you have now been blocked from contacting me. So trying to write back to me will be a fruitless endeavor. Jut another helpful hit, if you need to look up any of the words that I have used in this response, you can use www.dictionary.com.
Jenny Out!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Monday, December 8, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XVIII
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XVIII
I know . . . I know . . . it has been quite a while since I have regaled you with one of my Hall of Shame blogs and you have my very sincere apologies for neglecting you. Please know that I have been wanting to write them, I have been caught up in other pursuits and just have not had the energy to dedicate to it.
The good news is that I have a really good blog for you this time (at least I think it is awesome – in my not-so-humble opinion!). So, check out the email from the creep of the month and read below for my email back to this cretin! Note: I am only pasting in the first of six (yes, six!!!) emails that he sent to me on MySpace in the course of three days. I then responded to him and blocked him. Complete and total insanity . . . there are no other words.
****
From: Damian Ar**ph
Date: November 10, 2008
Thank u, thank u, and thank u for being u Jenny.
I didnt write this on your page, cause I wanted it as private message for you...U know I want so much for you to accept me as a friend and I cant send you a request. Its kind of dreaaaaaaaaam that I found your page. When I went home yesterday after first finding your page, I wished you would want me too. Now I want more than anything for it to be true.
Can you please send me a friend request so that you can be part of my life? That would mean the world to me! Pleeeeaaaassseee! Love me, hate me, scream at me, beat me, just let me in your life.
It has only been a few days that the reason that I come to the net is a person who really makes me happy, and you know who she is!!! (winking). When I connect to the net, I come to your page and click on that picture of you and wish I could see more. But mmmm, precious and attractive. I wish I knew more English to describe that feeling it gives me.
Please write to me whenever you can. You are the one who makes me feeling like myself these days and I want you to be my friend more than I want to breathe.
Kisses, Kisses, Kisses,
Damian
****
From: Jenny
Date: November 13, 2008
What is wrong with you? Seriously? Do you have a screw loose in that tiny little brain of yours?!?
Let me just take a few minutes to provide you with some areas of improvement for your life before I block you from emailing and torturing me further with your nonsense.
1) I do not know how it works in your country, but in the United States, you scare women off by sending rapid fire emails the way that you did. If you really want to express interest in someone, send one email and if the woman is interested she will write back. If she doesn’t, then let it go. Do not turn into a psycho emailer and fill her Inbox with your whackadoo ramblings about how you want to spend your life with her. Believe me, if I had a pet rabbit, I would be watching it like a hawk right now for fear that you would be turning it into stew!
2) Your life in your country must be pretty sad and lonely if I became your reason for returning to the Internet after just looking at one picture. I would strongly encourage you to seek psychiatric help before pursuing additional romantic interests online. Alternately, I think a hobby might be a wonderful concept for you. And, no, looking at Internet porn is not a hobby.
3) I would encourage you to go back and read the first email that you sent to me because it was wrong on so many different levels. The degree of ridiculousness of some of your statements will probably go unparalleled in my lifetime. Love you? Dream on! Hate you? You are simply not worth the energy! Scream at you? I would actually have to speak to you and that definitely is not going to happen. Beat you? Eeeeww . . . now there is a thought that just makes my skin crawl. What kind of freak show even makes a suggestion like that?!?
Now that I have provided you with some areas for personal growth, I am going to close my email and block you. There is no need for me to tell you not to contact me again, as I am removing the ability for you to do so.
Jenny
I know . . . I know . . . it has been quite a while since I have regaled you with one of my Hall of Shame blogs and you have my very sincere apologies for neglecting you. Please know that I have been wanting to write them, I have been caught up in other pursuits and just have not had the energy to dedicate to it.
The good news is that I have a really good blog for you this time (at least I think it is awesome – in my not-so-humble opinion!). So, check out the email from the creep of the month and read below for my email back to this cretin! Note: I am only pasting in the first of six (yes, six!!!) emails that he sent to me on MySpace in the course of three days. I then responded to him and blocked him. Complete and total insanity . . . there are no other words.
****
From: Damian Ar**ph
Date: November 10, 2008
Thank u, thank u, and thank u for being u Jenny.
I didnt write this on your page, cause I wanted it as private message for you...U know I want so much for you to accept me as a friend and I cant send you a request. Its kind of dreaaaaaaaaam that I found your page. When I went home yesterday after first finding your page, I wished you would want me too. Now I want more than anything for it to be true.
Can you please send me a friend request so that you can be part of my life? That would mean the world to me! Pleeeeaaaassseee! Love me, hate me, scream at me, beat me, just let me in your life.
It has only been a few days that the reason that I come to the net is a person who really makes me happy, and you know who she is!!! (winking). When I connect to the net, I come to your page and click on that picture of you and wish I could see more. But mmmm, precious and attractive. I wish I knew more English to describe that feeling it gives me.
Please write to me whenever you can. You are the one who makes me feeling like myself these days and I want you to be my friend more than I want to breathe.
Kisses, Kisses, Kisses,
Damian
****
From: Jenny
Date: November 13, 2008
What is wrong with you? Seriously? Do you have a screw loose in that tiny little brain of yours?!?
Let me just take a few minutes to provide you with some areas of improvement for your life before I block you from emailing and torturing me further with your nonsense.
1) I do not know how it works in your country, but in the United States, you scare women off by sending rapid fire emails the way that you did. If you really want to express interest in someone, send one email and if the woman is interested she will write back. If she doesn’t, then let it go. Do not turn into a psycho emailer and fill her Inbox with your whackadoo ramblings about how you want to spend your life with her. Believe me, if I had a pet rabbit, I would be watching it like a hawk right now for fear that you would be turning it into stew!
2) Your life in your country must be pretty sad and lonely if I became your reason for returning to the Internet after just looking at one picture. I would strongly encourage you to seek psychiatric help before pursuing additional romantic interests online. Alternately, I think a hobby might be a wonderful concept for you. And, no, looking at Internet porn is not a hobby.
3) I would encourage you to go back and read the first email that you sent to me because it was wrong on so many different levels. The degree of ridiculousness of some of your statements will probably go unparalleled in my lifetime. Love you? Dream on! Hate you? You are simply not worth the energy! Scream at you? I would actually have to speak to you and that definitely is not going to happen. Beat you? Eeeeww . . . now there is a thought that just makes my skin crawl. What kind of freak show even makes a suggestion like that?!?
Now that I have provided you with some areas for personal growth, I am going to close my email and block you. There is no need for me to tell you not to contact me again, as I am removing the ability for you to do so.
Jenny
Saturday, December 6, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XVII
OMG! I cannot believe that it has been so long since I have posted a Hall of Shame blog! I have not deliberately neglected you all . . . nor have I not written a blog because I have not had anyone to roast . . . I have just not really been spending that much time on MySpace recently. However, my slacking has come to an end . . . because this loser was just too good to keep to myself!
Check out the email below that I received from a 47 year old, married man on myYearbook. He was not on my friend list or anything, but this was his introductory email to me. Below that is the ACTUAL email that I wrote back to him. I did not edit it for this blog in any way. I hope you enjoy reading it!
***
Sent by: HarleyJ**4u
Hi Gorgeous! How are you today?
i saw your profile and wanted to say Hello!
love to be a friend! love your pics and profile!
Check out my pics and let me know what you think!
Hope to chat sometime!
Love and Hot Wet Orgasms to You Dear!!!
Jim
HarleyJ**4U on Yahoo
HarleyJ**4U at comcast dot net
***
Sent by: Jenny H
Jim,
You have GOT to be kidding me! Was that really your attempt to introduce yourself?!? Don’t get me wrong . . . you started out decently by doling out compliments and feigning interest in my general well-being. But come on man . . . your execution is horribly flawed!
You say you want to be friends . . . that is believable . . . especially considering the age difference and the fact that you are married. Heaven knows that any woman of class and basic morality would never consider anything else.
So . . . you must be dying to know where you went wrong in your email to me. Well, first I have to confess that my curiosity got the best of me because you did not have a default picture posted. So, I wasted a few moments of my very valuable time to navigate to your page to check out your pictures. What a mistake that was!!!! I will probably never recover from the trauma of seeing you in your Hanes briefs! And while, apparently, some women on this web site seem to think that your ‘package’ is impressive, I am not one of them. Your two inches of screaming thunder did not inspire me to want to meet up with you . . . the only thing that it inspired in me was my upchuck reflex.
Next, I do not chat . . . so thank you for providing me with your contact information. Rest assured that I will not be using it.
Finally, in closing, I would like to thank you for reminding me just how revolting some men can be. “Love and Hot Wet Orgasms to You Dear!!!” Seriously? I just do not even have words for the level of ridiculousness that a statement like that has. What I do know is that you will NEVER be inducing either of those things in any way, shape, or form in my universe.
Now . . . I encourage you to get off of the Internet and go and pay attention to your wife. That is the person that you should be wooing. You are lucky to have one person interested in your lame-ass . . .
Jenny
P.S. You totally made my day with your email. I write a blog about losers that email me . . . and you just made the cut! >:-)
Jenny’s Note:
Geriatric Jim did not write back to my email . . . I was rather looking forward to his response. I was disappointed . . . but I guess there really wasn’t much for him to say. He he he he . . .
Check out the email below that I received from a 47 year old, married man on myYearbook. He was not on my friend list or anything, but this was his introductory email to me. Below that is the ACTUAL email that I wrote back to him. I did not edit it for this blog in any way. I hope you enjoy reading it!
***
Sent by: HarleyJ**4u
Hi Gorgeous! How are you today?
i saw your profile and wanted to say Hello!
love to be a friend! love your pics and profile!
Check out my pics and let me know what you think!
Hope to chat sometime!
Love and Hot Wet Orgasms to You Dear!!!
Jim
HarleyJ**4U on Yahoo
HarleyJ**4U at comcast dot net
***
Sent by: Jenny H
Jim,
You have GOT to be kidding me! Was that really your attempt to introduce yourself?!? Don’t get me wrong . . . you started out decently by doling out compliments and feigning interest in my general well-being. But come on man . . . your execution is horribly flawed!
You say you want to be friends . . . that is believable . . . especially considering the age difference and the fact that you are married. Heaven knows that any woman of class and basic morality would never consider anything else.
So . . . you must be dying to know where you went wrong in your email to me. Well, first I have to confess that my curiosity got the best of me because you did not have a default picture posted. So, I wasted a few moments of my very valuable time to navigate to your page to check out your pictures. What a mistake that was!!!! I will probably never recover from the trauma of seeing you in your Hanes briefs! And while, apparently, some women on this web site seem to think that your ‘package’ is impressive, I am not one of them. Your two inches of screaming thunder did not inspire me to want to meet up with you . . . the only thing that it inspired in me was my upchuck reflex.
Next, I do not chat . . . so thank you for providing me with your contact information. Rest assured that I will not be using it.
Finally, in closing, I would like to thank you for reminding me just how revolting some men can be. “Love and Hot Wet Orgasms to You Dear!!!” Seriously? I just do not even have words for the level of ridiculousness that a statement like that has. What I do know is that you will NEVER be inducing either of those things in any way, shape, or form in my universe.
Now . . . I encourage you to get off of the Internet and go and pay attention to your wife. That is the person that you should be wooing. You are lucky to have one person interested in your lame-ass . . .
Jenny
P.S. You totally made my day with your email. I write a blog about losers that email me . . . and you just made the cut! >:-)
Jenny’s Note:
Geriatric Jim did not write back to my email . . . I was rather looking forward to his response. I was disappointed . . . but I guess there really wasn’t much for him to say. He he he he . . .
Saturday, November 29, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XVI
Back by popular demand is the Hall of Shame! You know you want it . . . so read on!
*****
From: John
damn damn damn you are gorgeous, kisses baby message me back and lets have some fun
----------------------------------
From: Jenny
Just because I have a morbid sense of curiosity, do enlighten me and tell me what sort of fun are you interested in having with someone with a relationship status of ‘In a Relationship’?
----------------------------------
From: John
well I want to have all kinds of fun ,but what I was referring to is you and me naked and me having seeing ,using and enjoying every inch of you baby
----------------------------------
From: Jenny
Lord . . . that is just pathetic! Get lost!
----------------------------------
From: John
shame, I find you exquisite, you turn me on big time, kisses and be well darlin
*****
So, here is my two cents worth.
1) First and foremost . . . this guy (I kid you not!) is 65 years old! Nasty, nasty, nasty! I am half his age! Soooooo not going to happen!
2) I got not one, not two, but three ‘damns’ from his guy. I’m a triple damn type of girl! I may just swoon at his sweet words . . . he does know how to lure a lady in, now doesn’t he? Sweet talker!
3) He wants to have some fun with me. What kind of fun do you think that was? My guess is that he wants me to check him out of the nursing home for the afternoon. Eeeeww . . . . just eeeewww!
4) Okay, so I could not help myself. I had to find out what the old dude wanted. Do you really blame me?!? Did you really expect the response that I got? Come on now! He wants to see, use, and enjoy every inch of me? Oh boy! There isn’t enough Viagra in the world for his geriatric behind for that!
5) Now, I do give the guy credit for being classy enough to call me exquisite . . . and for being intelligent enough to spell it . . . but perverted old guy doesn’t even begin to cover this one. The consummate dirty old man . . . and, naturally, he wanted me. Oh the joy of being me!
That’s all for today . . . but you know that I will be back soon with another Loserville to skewer with my rapier wit! I might try posting a picture of my cleavage to deliberately lure some suckers in . . . Ha ha ha . . . nah! That would be too easy! Like shooting fish in a barrel!
*****
From: John
damn damn damn you are gorgeous, kisses baby message me back and lets have some fun
----------------------------------
From: Jenny
Just because I have a morbid sense of curiosity, do enlighten me and tell me what sort of fun are you interested in having with someone with a relationship status of ‘In a Relationship’?
----------------------------------
From: John
well I want to have all kinds of fun ,but what I was referring to is you and me naked and me having seeing ,using and enjoying every inch of you baby
----------------------------------
From: Jenny
Lord . . . that is just pathetic! Get lost!
----------------------------------
From: John
shame, I find you exquisite, you turn me on big time, kisses and be well darlin
*****
So, here is my two cents worth.
1) First and foremost . . . this guy (I kid you not!) is 65 years old! Nasty, nasty, nasty! I am half his age! Soooooo not going to happen!
2) I got not one, not two, but three ‘damns’ from his guy. I’m a triple damn type of girl! I may just swoon at his sweet words . . . he does know how to lure a lady in, now doesn’t he? Sweet talker!
3) He wants to have some fun with me. What kind of fun do you think that was? My guess is that he wants me to check him out of the nursing home for the afternoon. Eeeeww . . . . just eeeewww!
4) Okay, so I could not help myself. I had to find out what the old dude wanted. Do you really blame me?!? Did you really expect the response that I got? Come on now! He wants to see, use, and enjoy every inch of me? Oh boy! There isn’t enough Viagra in the world for his geriatric behind for that!
5) Now, I do give the guy credit for being classy enough to call me exquisite . . . and for being intelligent enough to spell it . . . but perverted old guy doesn’t even begin to cover this one. The consummate dirty old man . . . and, naturally, he wanted me. Oh the joy of being me!
That’s all for today . . . but you know that I will be back soon with another Loserville to skewer with my rapier wit! I might try posting a picture of my cleavage to deliberately lure some suckers in . . . Ha ha ha . . . nah! That would be too easy! Like shooting fish in a barrel!
Friday, November 28, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XV
Fifteen! This makes fifteen Hall of Shame blogs . . . and they just keep on coming! I have to confess that this particular offender has been sitting in my Inbox for a couple of weeks now . . . and continues to send me ridiculous emails on a regular basis. Truthfully, more than anything, they amuse me . . . although it is definitely not his intention. Sadly, he is continuously hoping to ‘woo’ me with his words. It is soooo not going to happen!
Enjoy the poetry . . . it’s M’m! M’m! Good! If he lights your fire, let me know and I’ll hook you up with him!
****
From: donelle passion
Subject: a poem for a nice lady
jenny of my erotic lover..by donelle.
the woman of my dreams,
how in a 1000 worlds
of sensual and hot lust
can one woman have so much?
how can one woman be filled
with so much passion?... so
many ways to satisfy...so
many ways to kiss and
create magical fire...how
can one woman be so perfect
in her every tender touch
and word?...the only way
you my goddess from eros
can have so much is because
of your free spirit and
desire to be who and what
you are...you are total woman
****
The woman of his dreams? The poor guy must suffer from night terrors if I am the woman of his dreams. I feel sorry for him!
How can one woman be so perfect in her every tender touch and word? How would you know freakazoid? I have never (and will never) touch nor speak with you! Derp!
So, I am really and truly not going to shred this guy into pieces. But, seriously, I am not one of those women that is deeply moved by poetry. And, even if I was, I think that it is absurd to send bits of nonsense like this to random people! I am 100% positive that every woman on this guy’s friend list received the poem, which definitely doesn’t make me feel special . . . but since he did take the few seconds out of his life to type my name in at the beginning, he does deserve some special credit.
I’m still in stitches over here . . . and I hope that you were as amused by this drone as I was.
Yours,
Jenny of My Erotic Lover
*collapses on the floor with laughter *
Enjoy the poetry . . . it’s M’m! M’m! Good! If he lights your fire, let me know and I’ll hook you up with him!
****
From: donelle passion
Subject: a poem for a nice lady
jenny of my erotic lover..by donelle.
the woman of my dreams,
how in a 1000 worlds
of sensual and hot lust
can one woman have so much?
how can one woman be filled
with so much passion?... so
many ways to satisfy...so
many ways to kiss and
create magical fire...how
can one woman be so perfect
in her every tender touch
and word?...the only way
you my goddess from eros
can have so much is because
of your free spirit and
desire to be who and what
you are...you are total woman
****
The woman of his dreams? The poor guy must suffer from night terrors if I am the woman of his dreams. I feel sorry for him!
How can one woman be so perfect in her every tender touch and word? How would you know freakazoid? I have never (and will never) touch nor speak with you! Derp!
So, I am really and truly not going to shred this guy into pieces. But, seriously, I am not one of those women that is deeply moved by poetry. And, even if I was, I think that it is absurd to send bits of nonsense like this to random people! I am 100% positive that every woman on this guy’s friend list received the poem, which definitely doesn’t make me feel special . . . but since he did take the few seconds out of his life to type my name in at the beginning, he does deserve some special credit.
I’m still in stitches over here . . . and I hope that you were as amused by this drone as I was.
Yours,
Jenny of My Erotic Lover
*collapses on the floor with laughter *
Thursday, November 27, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XIV
After a brief absence from the Hall of Shame, I am glad to be back with a real doozy! Read below for the background on the situation, the actual emails, and my two cents worth on the end of yet another friendship. Although, I have to say, it is no great loss.
This boy (and I mean ‘boy’ because he is twenty years old) has been on my friends list for about a year now and is originally from the Philadelphia area – although he is currently away at college. At one point, we exchanged telephone numbers so that I could help him with a paper that he was working on in school (which he totally got an ‘A’ on thanks to yours truly). After that, he would contact me every time he was home, trying to meet up with me. Naturally, I do not have a romantic interest in a child . . . but I thought we could be friends. Wrong-dee-dee!
Over the past couple of weeks, he has text messaged me constantly – all of which went unanswered and he started emailing me on MySpace in an effort to arrange to see me when he gets home from school for the summer. I reminded him that I have a boyfriend (which is not technically the truth) but thought it would be nicer than just telling him that I was not interested. He didn’t really like that reminder . . . and kept pressing me to meet him.
He then started calling at random times, trying to get me to answer (which I did not do) – actually even calling when I was out on a date. It was hard to explain to my date why I was getting calls from a guy at 1:30 am. Sound like a booty call to anyone else here? Lord . . . the pain of it all!
So check out the end of our friendship, which I copied and pasted from the email chain on MySpace. And below that is, of course, my dissection of the ridiculous interaction.
*******
BIGDORK
i see u for got bout me
Jenny
In what way?
BIGDORK
i called u last week and i left a message for u
Jenny
You did not leave a voice mail. And you called at 1:30 in the morning, which pissed my boyfriend off.
BIGDORK
y dont u want 2 be wit me
Jenny
You are right. I do not want to be with you. I have repeatedly told you that I have a boyfriend, to which you said that you wanted to be friends. I am confused about your expectations in this situation.
BIGDORK
i told u dat is good
Jenny
Then what is the malfunction here?
BIGDORK
I dont want 2 stand u up or try 2 talk 2 u if ur not tryna get 2 know we and no way if u will like for me to leave u alone then that’s wat i will do
Jenny
Was that response even in English? Regardless, I have to go back to what I said before. Getting to know you is fine . . . but my ‘just friend’ friends do not call me in the middle of the night trying to get to know me.
BIGDORK
check this out im home from school wats up will u like 2 see me
Jenny
I do not really think so. Right now, I do not have time for anything other than what I already have going on. And I do not honestly believe that you want to meet up with me to be friends. I am getting very mixed signals from you, when I believe that I have been exceptionally clear with you about why I was talking to you.
BIGDORK
u know its fine how bout we jus stop and go on so we can both delete each otha
Jenny
That is perfectly fine with me. You are way too high maintenance to be one of my friends. Good luck with your life.
BIGDORK
bye
*******
1. I get it that you have crazy texting skills. It is obviously too strenuous for you to hit the ‘t’ and the ‘o’ and spell the word ‘to’. The number two on your mobile is going to be worn right out any second now. Then where will you be?!? Dork!
2. I get it that you are probably writing to me on MySpace from your cell phone. But, if the recipient cannot understand what you are trying to communicate, you may want to reconsider your methodology. Here’s a tip . . . you probably do not actually want to be with a woman that can understand your Ebonic ramblings. She probably would not be able to have a real conversation wit u!
3. Dude! You are more high maintenance than any chick that I have ever met in my entire life! You are whining because I don’t want to meet you in person? Why do you think that is? Maybe because you are a little bitch that has nothing better to do than try to meet up with seemingly random people from the Internet?!? If I wanted to be turned into a lampshade, I might agree to meet up with you. But, since I have the desire to live, I think I will steer clear. Thanks for the offer though . . .
4. The 1:30 am phone calls? In my world, your ass had better dead . . . because rational people do not call others in the middle of the night to shoot the shit. It makes no difference that I was out on a date when the call came in . . . it matters that you do not have the common sense or decency to avoid calling people at such an ungodly hour. Pathetic!
5. Not to belabor this point, but it seems to be a continuous issue in my world. If I tell you that I am dating someone, in a relationship, and/or unavailable, you need to respect that. Even if it is a bold-faced lie, you should have enough self-respect to stop pressing the matter . . . and if you don’t, then you deserve to have your ego shattered. Sometimes women tell harmless lies to spare your feelings. There’s no need to always crush your tiny little spirit . . . . but if you make it necessary, you know we are up to the challenge. So, asshole, get a clue! And if you are completely clueless, you may want to consider becoming a hermit. The world does not really need your presence. There is already enough stupidity going around!!!
That’s it for me for right now. My family is coming into town, so I am going to be very busy for the next few weeks. As such, there won’t be any other blogs immediately forthcoming. I hope that you enjoyed this installment in my series . . . sadly, you know I will be back with more . . . it’s only a matter of time! Stay tuned!!!
This boy (and I mean ‘boy’ because he is twenty years old) has been on my friends list for about a year now and is originally from the Philadelphia area – although he is currently away at college. At one point, we exchanged telephone numbers so that I could help him with a paper that he was working on in school (which he totally got an ‘A’ on thanks to yours truly). After that, he would contact me every time he was home, trying to meet up with me. Naturally, I do not have a romantic interest in a child . . . but I thought we could be friends. Wrong-dee-dee!
Over the past couple of weeks, he has text messaged me constantly – all of which went unanswered and he started emailing me on MySpace in an effort to arrange to see me when he gets home from school for the summer. I reminded him that I have a boyfriend (which is not technically the truth) but thought it would be nicer than just telling him that I was not interested. He didn’t really like that reminder . . . and kept pressing me to meet him.
He then started calling at random times, trying to get me to answer (which I did not do) – actually even calling when I was out on a date. It was hard to explain to my date why I was getting calls from a guy at 1:30 am. Sound like a booty call to anyone else here? Lord . . . the pain of it all!
So check out the end of our friendship, which I copied and pasted from the email chain on MySpace. And below that is, of course, my dissection of the ridiculous interaction.
*******
BIGDORK
i see u for got bout me
Jenny
In what way?
BIGDORK
i called u last week and i left a message for u
Jenny
You did not leave a voice mail. And you called at 1:30 in the morning, which pissed my boyfriend off.
BIGDORK
y dont u want 2 be wit me
Jenny
You are right. I do not want to be with you. I have repeatedly told you that I have a boyfriend, to which you said that you wanted to be friends. I am confused about your expectations in this situation.
BIGDORK
i told u dat is good
Jenny
Then what is the malfunction here?
BIGDORK
I dont want 2 stand u up or try 2 talk 2 u if ur not tryna get 2 know we and no way if u will like for me to leave u alone then that’s wat i will do
Jenny
Was that response even in English? Regardless, I have to go back to what I said before. Getting to know you is fine . . . but my ‘just friend’ friends do not call me in the middle of the night trying to get to know me.
BIGDORK
check this out im home from school wats up will u like 2 see me
Jenny
I do not really think so. Right now, I do not have time for anything other than what I already have going on. And I do not honestly believe that you want to meet up with me to be friends. I am getting very mixed signals from you, when I believe that I have been exceptionally clear with you about why I was talking to you.
BIGDORK
u know its fine how bout we jus stop and go on so we can both delete each otha
Jenny
That is perfectly fine with me. You are way too high maintenance to be one of my friends. Good luck with your life.
BIGDORK
bye
*******
1. I get it that you have crazy texting skills. It is obviously too strenuous for you to hit the ‘t’ and the ‘o’ and spell the word ‘to’. The number two on your mobile is going to be worn right out any second now. Then where will you be?!? Dork!
2. I get it that you are probably writing to me on MySpace from your cell phone. But, if the recipient cannot understand what you are trying to communicate, you may want to reconsider your methodology. Here’s a tip . . . you probably do not actually want to be with a woman that can understand your Ebonic ramblings. She probably would not be able to have a real conversation wit u!
3. Dude! You are more high maintenance than any chick that I have ever met in my entire life! You are whining because I don’t want to meet you in person? Why do you think that is? Maybe because you are a little bitch that has nothing better to do than try to meet up with seemingly random people from the Internet?!? If I wanted to be turned into a lampshade, I might agree to meet up with you. But, since I have the desire to live, I think I will steer clear. Thanks for the offer though . . .
4. The 1:30 am phone calls? In my world, your ass had better dead . . . because rational people do not call others in the middle of the night to shoot the shit. It makes no difference that I was out on a date when the call came in . . . it matters that you do not have the common sense or decency to avoid calling people at such an ungodly hour. Pathetic!
5. Not to belabor this point, but it seems to be a continuous issue in my world. If I tell you that I am dating someone, in a relationship, and/or unavailable, you need to respect that. Even if it is a bold-faced lie, you should have enough self-respect to stop pressing the matter . . . and if you don’t, then you deserve to have your ego shattered. Sometimes women tell harmless lies to spare your feelings. There’s no need to always crush your tiny little spirit . . . . but if you make it necessary, you know we are up to the challenge. So, asshole, get a clue! And if you are completely clueless, you may want to consider becoming a hermit. The world does not really need your presence. There is already enough stupidity going around!!!
That’s it for me for right now. My family is coming into town, so I am going to be very busy for the next few weeks. As such, there won’t be any other blogs immediately forthcoming. I hope that you enjoyed this installment in my series . . . sadly, you know I will be back with more . . . it’s only a matter of time! Stay tuned!!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XIII
The pain! The pain of it all! This Hall of Shame winner just really couldn’t buy a clue if he had a million dollars. Check out our email chain . . . my comments are at the end. He he . . . I did have fun with this one!
*******
Sent by: Pablo
jenny you so sexy i lake to take you out plz
----------------------------------
Sent by: Jenny
Lord . . . is that the best you could come up with?!? In case you missed it, my status says ‘In a Relationship’. So, get lost!
----------------------------------
Sent by: Pablo
am sorry i wait fo you he is a lucky man i see you pic and fall an love with you
----------------------------------
Sent by: Jenny
Are you not married? Seems to me that you have a picture of a wife and child on your profile. I’m so emailing her, you giant loser! Your faithless ass will be in divorce court by the end of the year!
----------------------------------
Sent by: Pablo
am sorry im an love with you you so sexy
*******
Jenny’s Two Cents Worth:
1. Okay . . . so, obviously, this guy has a very limited handle on the English language. All the more reason why he should refrain from emailing people like me! Loser! Go find some nice chica that wants your lame Latino attention!
2. Seriously! If you are going to use the Internet to try and commit adultery, do not use the profile that has your WIFE as your number one friend! For the love of God! How freaking dumb are you?!?
3. If you are going to be a total waste of skin, could you maybe take the pictures of your child off of your profile? Even if you and your wife are into some freaky crap online, your innocent child shouldn’t have anything to do with it. It pains me that people like this are able to produce children . . . heaven only knows what type of lifestyle that poor child has.
4. What in the Sam Hill makes people think that it is okay to throw the word “love” around all of the time? You do not love me, you giant freak of nature! It is very clear that you do not even know what love is . . .
5. I did email his wife . . . yeah . . . because I am a heinous bitch like that. Her response? A dramatic online sigh and a thank you to me for letting her know. She reported that her husband of eight years does this all of the time . . . and no, he really is not that bright. But, for all of that, she ‘loves’ him . . . I wonder if it is the same way that he loves me? It could explain a lot.
6. The truly tragic thing about this whole situation is that Pablo’s wife actually told me that she has interrupted several real-life assignations that Pablo set-up. Tell me, ladies, what would you do to little Pablo in this situation? Yeah . . . Lorena Bobbitt would have nothing on me! I guess his wife is just pathetic enough to put up with it . . . so I guess she deserves it. Maybe when she ends up with some communicable disease from her cheating husband, she will actually get a clue. But, I wouldn’t bank on it . . .
7. You are sorry? You don't say?!? Honestly . . . stop apologizing all over the place! I know that your ass is sorry . . . I knew it from the second that I saw the mail in my Inbox. Do the world a favor, would you? Kill yourself now . . . I will loan you my gun.
FYI: Pablo was never even on my friend list. He ‘fell in love’ with me based on my default picture alone. Mmmm . . . quite the femme fatale aren’t I? Ha ha ha ha . . .
*******
Sent by: Pablo
jenny you so sexy i lake to take you out plz
----------------------------------
Sent by: Jenny
Lord . . . is that the best you could come up with?!? In case you missed it, my status says ‘In a Relationship’. So, get lost!
----------------------------------
Sent by: Pablo
am sorry i wait fo you he is a lucky man i see you pic and fall an love with you
----------------------------------
Sent by: Jenny
Are you not married? Seems to me that you have a picture of a wife and child on your profile. I’m so emailing her, you giant loser! Your faithless ass will be in divorce court by the end of the year!
----------------------------------
Sent by: Pablo
am sorry im an love with you you so sexy
*******
Jenny’s Two Cents Worth:
1. Okay . . . so, obviously, this guy has a very limited handle on the English language. All the more reason why he should refrain from emailing people like me! Loser! Go find some nice chica that wants your lame Latino attention!
2. Seriously! If you are going to use the Internet to try and commit adultery, do not use the profile that has your WIFE as your number one friend! For the love of God! How freaking dumb are you?!?
3. If you are going to be a total waste of skin, could you maybe take the pictures of your child off of your profile? Even if you and your wife are into some freaky crap online, your innocent child shouldn’t have anything to do with it. It pains me that people like this are able to produce children . . . heaven only knows what type of lifestyle that poor child has.
4. What in the Sam Hill makes people think that it is okay to throw the word “love” around all of the time? You do not love me, you giant freak of nature! It is very clear that you do not even know what love is . . .
5. I did email his wife . . . yeah . . . because I am a heinous bitch like that. Her response? A dramatic online sigh and a thank you to me for letting her know. She reported that her husband of eight years does this all of the time . . . and no, he really is not that bright. But, for all of that, she ‘loves’ him . . . I wonder if it is the same way that he loves me? It could explain a lot.
6. The truly tragic thing about this whole situation is that Pablo’s wife actually told me that she has interrupted several real-life assignations that Pablo set-up. Tell me, ladies, what would you do to little Pablo in this situation? Yeah . . . Lorena Bobbitt would have nothing on me! I guess his wife is just pathetic enough to put up with it . . . so I guess she deserves it. Maybe when she ends up with some communicable disease from her cheating husband, she will actually get a clue. But, I wouldn’t bank on it . . .
7. You are sorry? You don't say?!? Honestly . . . stop apologizing all over the place! I know that your ass is sorry . . . I knew it from the second that I saw the mail in my Inbox. Do the world a favor, would you? Kill yourself now . . . I will loan you my gun.
FYI: Pablo was never even on my friend list. He ‘fell in love’ with me based on my default picture alone. Mmmm . . . quite the femme fatale aren’t I? Ha ha ha ha . . .
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