The Hall of Shame ~ Part XIV

After a brief absence from the Hall of Shame, I am glad to be back with a real doozy! Read below for the background on the situation, the actual emails, and my two cents worth on the end of yet another friendship. Although, I have to say, it is no great loss.

This boy (and I mean ‘boy’ because he is twenty years old) has been on my friends list for about a year now and is originally from the Philadelphia area – although he is currently away at college. At one point, we exchanged telephone numbers so that I could help him with a paper that he was working on in school (which he totally got an ‘A’ on thanks to yours truly). After that, he would contact me every time he was home, trying to meet up with me. Naturally, I do not have a romantic interest in a child . . . but I thought we could be friends. Wrong-dee-dee!

Over the past couple of weeks, he has text messaged me constantly – all of which went unanswered and he started emailing me on MySpace in an effort to arrange to see me when he gets home from school for the summer. I reminded him that I have a boyfriend (which is not technically the truth) but thought it would be nicer than just telling him that I was not interested. He didn’t really like that reminder . . . and kept pressing me to meet him.

He then started calling at random times, trying to get me to answer (which I did not do) – actually even calling when I was out on a date. It was hard to explain to my date why I was getting calls from a guy at 1:30 am. Sound like a booty call to anyone else here? Lord . . . the pain of it all!

So check out the end of our friendship, which I copied and pasted from the email chain on MySpace. And below that is, of course, my dissection of the ridiculous interaction.

*******

BIGDORK
i see u for got bout me

Jenny
In what way?

BIGDORK
i called u last week and i left a message for u

Jenny
You did not leave a voice mail. And you called at 1:30 in the morning, which pissed my boyfriend off.

BIGDORK
y dont u want 2 be wit me

Jenny
You are right. I do not want to be with you. I have repeatedly told you that I have a boyfriend, to which you said that you wanted to be friends. I am confused about your expectations in this situation.

BIGDORK
i told u dat is good

Jenny
Then what is the malfunction here?

BIGDORK
I dont want 2 stand u up or try 2 talk 2 u if ur not tryna get 2 know we and no way if u will like for me to leave u alone then that’s wat i will do

Jenny
Was that response even in English? Regardless, I have to go back to what I said before. Getting to know you is fine . . . but my ‘just friend’ friends do not call me in the middle of the night trying to get to know me.

BIGDORK
check this out im home from school wats up will u like 2 see me

Jenny
I do not really think so. Right now, I do not have time for anything other than what I already have going on. And I do not honestly believe that you want to meet up with me to be friends. I am getting very mixed signals from you, when I believe that I have been exceptionally clear with you about why I was talking to you.

BIGDORK
u know its fine how bout we jus stop and go on so we can both delete each otha

Jenny
That is perfectly fine with me. You are way too high maintenance to be one of my friends. Good luck with your life.

BIGDORK
bye

*******

1. I get it that you have crazy texting skills. It is obviously too strenuous for you to hit the ‘t’ and the ‘o’ and spell the word ‘to’. The number two on your mobile is going to be worn right out any second now. Then where will you be?!? Dork!

2. I get it that you are probably writing to me on MySpace from your cell phone. But, if the recipient cannot understand what you are trying to communicate, you may want to reconsider your methodology. Here’s a tip . . . you probably do not actually want to be with a woman that can understand your Ebonic ramblings. She probably would not be able to have a real conversation wit u!

3. Dude! You are more high maintenance than any chick that I have ever met in my entire life! You are whining because I don’t want to meet you in person? Why do you think that is? Maybe because you are a little bitch that has nothing better to do than try to meet up with seemingly random people from the Internet?!? If I wanted to be turned into a lampshade, I might agree to meet up with you. But, since I have the desire to live, I think I will steer clear. Thanks for the offer though . . .

4. The 1:30 am phone calls? In my world, your ass had better dead . . . because rational people do not call others in the middle of the night to shoot the shit. It makes no difference that I was out on a date when the call came in . . . it matters that you do not have the common sense or decency to avoid calling people at such an ungodly hour. Pathetic!

5. Not to belabor this point, but it seems to be a continuous issue in my world. If I tell you that I am dating someone, in a relationship, and/or unavailable, you need to respect that. Even if it is a bold-faced lie, you should have enough self-respect to stop pressing the matter . . . and if you don’t, then you deserve to have your ego shattered. Sometimes women tell harmless lies to spare your feelings. There’s no need to always crush your tiny little spirit . . . . but if you make it necessary, you know we are up to the challenge. So, asshole, get a clue! And if you are completely clueless, you may want to consider becoming a hermit. The world does not really need your presence. There is already enough stupidity going around!!!

That’s it for me for right now. My family is coming into town, so I am going to be very busy for the next few weeks. As such, there won’t be any other blogs immediately forthcoming. I hope that you enjoyed this installment in my series . . . sadly, you know I will be back with more . . . it’s only a matter of time! Stay tuned!!!