Back by popular demand is the Hall of Shame! You know you want it . . . so read on!
*****
From: John
damn damn damn you are gorgeous, kisses baby message me back and lets have some fun
----------------------------------
From: Jenny
Just because I have a morbid sense of curiosity, do enlighten me and tell me what sort of fun are you interested in having with someone with a relationship status of ‘In a Relationship’?
----------------------------------
From: John
well I want to have all kinds of fun ,but what I was referring to is you and me naked and me having seeing ,using and enjoying every inch of you baby
----------------------------------
From: Jenny
Lord . . . that is just pathetic! Get lost!
----------------------------------
From: John
shame, I find you exquisite, you turn me on big time, kisses and be well darlin
*****
So, here is my two cents worth.
1) First and foremost . . . this guy (I kid you not!) is 65 years old! Nasty, nasty, nasty! I am half his age! Soooooo not going to happen!
2) I got not one, not two, but three ‘damns’ from his guy. I’m a triple damn type of girl! I may just swoon at his sweet words . . . he does know how to lure a lady in, now doesn’t he? Sweet talker!
3) He wants to have some fun with me. What kind of fun do you think that was? My guess is that he wants me to check him out of the nursing home for the afternoon. Eeeeww . . . . just eeeewww!
4) Okay, so I could not help myself. I had to find out what the old dude wanted. Do you really blame me?!? Did you really expect the response that I got? Come on now! He wants to see, use, and enjoy every inch of me? Oh boy! There isn’t enough Viagra in the world for his geriatric behind for that!
5) Now, I do give the guy credit for being classy enough to call me exquisite . . . and for being intelligent enough to spell it . . . but perverted old guy doesn’t even begin to cover this one. The consummate dirty old man . . . and, naturally, he wanted me. Oh the joy of being me!
That’s all for today . . . but you know that I will be back soon with another Loserville to skewer with my rapier wit! I might try posting a picture of my cleavage to deliberately lure some suckers in . . . Ha ha ha . . . nah! That would be too easy! Like shooting fish in a barrel!
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XV
Fifteen! This makes fifteen Hall of Shame blogs . . . and they just keep on coming! I have to confess that this particular offender has been sitting in my Inbox for a couple of weeks now . . . and continues to send me ridiculous emails on a regular basis. Truthfully, more than anything, they amuse me . . . although it is definitely not his intention. Sadly, he is continuously hoping to ‘woo’ me with his words. It is soooo not going to happen!
Enjoy the poetry . . . it’s M’m! M’m! Good! If he lights your fire, let me know and I’ll hook you up with him!
****
From: donelle passion
Subject: a poem for a nice lady
jenny of my erotic lover..by donelle.
the woman of my dreams,
how in a 1000 worlds
of sensual and hot lust
can one woman have so much?
how can one woman be filled
with so much passion?... so
many ways to satisfy...so
many ways to kiss and
create magical fire...how
can one woman be so perfect
in her every tender touch
and word?...the only way
you my goddess from eros
can have so much is because
of your free spirit and
desire to be who and what
you are...you are total woman
****
The woman of his dreams? The poor guy must suffer from night terrors if I am the woman of his dreams. I feel sorry for him!
How can one woman be so perfect in her every tender touch and word? How would you know freakazoid? I have never (and will never) touch nor speak with you! Derp!
So, I am really and truly not going to shred this guy into pieces. But, seriously, I am not one of those women that is deeply moved by poetry. And, even if I was, I think that it is absurd to send bits of nonsense like this to random people! I am 100% positive that every woman on this guy’s friend list received the poem, which definitely doesn’t make me feel special . . . but since he did take the few seconds out of his life to type my name in at the beginning, he does deserve some special credit.
I’m still in stitches over here . . . and I hope that you were as amused by this drone as I was.
Yours,
Jenny of My Erotic Lover
*collapses on the floor with laughter *
Enjoy the poetry . . . it’s M’m! M’m! Good! If he lights your fire, let me know and I’ll hook you up with him!
****
From: donelle passion
Subject: a poem for a nice lady
jenny of my erotic lover..by donelle.
the woman of my dreams,
how in a 1000 worlds
of sensual and hot lust
can one woman have so much?
how can one woman be filled
with so much passion?... so
many ways to satisfy...so
many ways to kiss and
create magical fire...how
can one woman be so perfect
in her every tender touch
and word?...the only way
you my goddess from eros
can have so much is because
of your free spirit and
desire to be who and what
you are...you are total woman
****
The woman of his dreams? The poor guy must suffer from night terrors if I am the woman of his dreams. I feel sorry for him!
How can one woman be so perfect in her every tender touch and word? How would you know freakazoid? I have never (and will never) touch nor speak with you! Derp!
So, I am really and truly not going to shred this guy into pieces. But, seriously, I am not one of those women that is deeply moved by poetry. And, even if I was, I think that it is absurd to send bits of nonsense like this to random people! I am 100% positive that every woman on this guy’s friend list received the poem, which definitely doesn’t make me feel special . . . but since he did take the few seconds out of his life to type my name in at the beginning, he does deserve some special credit.
I’m still in stitches over here . . . and I hope that you were as amused by this drone as I was.
Yours,
Jenny of My Erotic Lover
*collapses on the floor with laughter *
Thursday, November 27, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XIV
After a brief absence from the Hall of Shame, I am glad to be back with a real doozy! Read below for the background on the situation, the actual emails, and my two cents worth on the end of yet another friendship. Although, I have to say, it is no great loss.
This boy (and I mean ‘boy’ because he is twenty years old) has been on my friends list for about a year now and is originally from the Philadelphia area – although he is currently away at college. At one point, we exchanged telephone numbers so that I could help him with a paper that he was working on in school (which he totally got an ‘A’ on thanks to yours truly). After that, he would contact me every time he was home, trying to meet up with me. Naturally, I do not have a romantic interest in a child . . . but I thought we could be friends. Wrong-dee-dee!
Over the past couple of weeks, he has text messaged me constantly – all of which went unanswered and he started emailing me on MySpace in an effort to arrange to see me when he gets home from school for the summer. I reminded him that I have a boyfriend (which is not technically the truth) but thought it would be nicer than just telling him that I was not interested. He didn’t really like that reminder . . . and kept pressing me to meet him.
He then started calling at random times, trying to get me to answer (which I did not do) – actually even calling when I was out on a date. It was hard to explain to my date why I was getting calls from a guy at 1:30 am. Sound like a booty call to anyone else here? Lord . . . the pain of it all!
So check out the end of our friendship, which I copied and pasted from the email chain on MySpace. And below that is, of course, my dissection of the ridiculous interaction.
*******
BIGDORK
i see u for got bout me
Jenny
In what way?
BIGDORK
i called u last week and i left a message for u
Jenny
You did not leave a voice mail. And you called at 1:30 in the morning, which pissed my boyfriend off.
BIGDORK
y dont u want 2 be wit me
Jenny
You are right. I do not want to be with you. I have repeatedly told you that I have a boyfriend, to which you said that you wanted to be friends. I am confused about your expectations in this situation.
BIGDORK
i told u dat is good
Jenny
Then what is the malfunction here?
BIGDORK
I dont want 2 stand u up or try 2 talk 2 u if ur not tryna get 2 know we and no way if u will like for me to leave u alone then that’s wat i will do
Jenny
Was that response even in English? Regardless, I have to go back to what I said before. Getting to know you is fine . . . but my ‘just friend’ friends do not call me in the middle of the night trying to get to know me.
BIGDORK
check this out im home from school wats up will u like 2 see me
Jenny
I do not really think so. Right now, I do not have time for anything other than what I already have going on. And I do not honestly believe that you want to meet up with me to be friends. I am getting very mixed signals from you, when I believe that I have been exceptionally clear with you about why I was talking to you.
BIGDORK
u know its fine how bout we jus stop and go on so we can both delete each otha
Jenny
That is perfectly fine with me. You are way too high maintenance to be one of my friends. Good luck with your life.
BIGDORK
bye
*******
1. I get it that you have crazy texting skills. It is obviously too strenuous for you to hit the ‘t’ and the ‘o’ and spell the word ‘to’. The number two on your mobile is going to be worn right out any second now. Then where will you be?!? Dork!
2. I get it that you are probably writing to me on MySpace from your cell phone. But, if the recipient cannot understand what you are trying to communicate, you may want to reconsider your methodology. Here’s a tip . . . you probably do not actually want to be with a woman that can understand your Ebonic ramblings. She probably would not be able to have a real conversation wit u!
3. Dude! You are more high maintenance than any chick that I have ever met in my entire life! You are whining because I don’t want to meet you in person? Why do you think that is? Maybe because you are a little bitch that has nothing better to do than try to meet up with seemingly random people from the Internet?!? If I wanted to be turned into a lampshade, I might agree to meet up with you. But, since I have the desire to live, I think I will steer clear. Thanks for the offer though . . .
4. The 1:30 am phone calls? In my world, your ass had better dead . . . because rational people do not call others in the middle of the night to shoot the shit. It makes no difference that I was out on a date when the call came in . . . it matters that you do not have the common sense or decency to avoid calling people at such an ungodly hour. Pathetic!
5. Not to belabor this point, but it seems to be a continuous issue in my world. If I tell you that I am dating someone, in a relationship, and/or unavailable, you need to respect that. Even if it is a bold-faced lie, you should have enough self-respect to stop pressing the matter . . . and if you don’t, then you deserve to have your ego shattered. Sometimes women tell harmless lies to spare your feelings. There’s no need to always crush your tiny little spirit . . . . but if you make it necessary, you know we are up to the challenge. So, asshole, get a clue! And if you are completely clueless, you may want to consider becoming a hermit. The world does not really need your presence. There is already enough stupidity going around!!!
That’s it for me for right now. My family is coming into town, so I am going to be very busy for the next few weeks. As such, there won’t be any other blogs immediately forthcoming. I hope that you enjoyed this installment in my series . . . sadly, you know I will be back with more . . . it’s only a matter of time! Stay tuned!!!
This boy (and I mean ‘boy’ because he is twenty years old) has been on my friends list for about a year now and is originally from the Philadelphia area – although he is currently away at college. At one point, we exchanged telephone numbers so that I could help him with a paper that he was working on in school (which he totally got an ‘A’ on thanks to yours truly). After that, he would contact me every time he was home, trying to meet up with me. Naturally, I do not have a romantic interest in a child . . . but I thought we could be friends. Wrong-dee-dee!
Over the past couple of weeks, he has text messaged me constantly – all of which went unanswered and he started emailing me on MySpace in an effort to arrange to see me when he gets home from school for the summer. I reminded him that I have a boyfriend (which is not technically the truth) but thought it would be nicer than just telling him that I was not interested. He didn’t really like that reminder . . . and kept pressing me to meet him.
He then started calling at random times, trying to get me to answer (which I did not do) – actually even calling when I was out on a date. It was hard to explain to my date why I was getting calls from a guy at 1:30 am. Sound like a booty call to anyone else here? Lord . . . the pain of it all!
So check out the end of our friendship, which I copied and pasted from the email chain on MySpace. And below that is, of course, my dissection of the ridiculous interaction.
*******
BIGDORK
i see u for got bout me
Jenny
In what way?
BIGDORK
i called u last week and i left a message for u
Jenny
You did not leave a voice mail. And you called at 1:30 in the morning, which pissed my boyfriend off.
BIGDORK
y dont u want 2 be wit me
Jenny
You are right. I do not want to be with you. I have repeatedly told you that I have a boyfriend, to which you said that you wanted to be friends. I am confused about your expectations in this situation.
BIGDORK
i told u dat is good
Jenny
Then what is the malfunction here?
BIGDORK
I dont want 2 stand u up or try 2 talk 2 u if ur not tryna get 2 know we and no way if u will like for me to leave u alone then that’s wat i will do
Jenny
Was that response even in English? Regardless, I have to go back to what I said before. Getting to know you is fine . . . but my ‘just friend’ friends do not call me in the middle of the night trying to get to know me.
BIGDORK
check this out im home from school wats up will u like 2 see me
Jenny
I do not really think so. Right now, I do not have time for anything other than what I already have going on. And I do not honestly believe that you want to meet up with me to be friends. I am getting very mixed signals from you, when I believe that I have been exceptionally clear with you about why I was talking to you.
BIGDORK
u know its fine how bout we jus stop and go on so we can both delete each otha
Jenny
That is perfectly fine with me. You are way too high maintenance to be one of my friends. Good luck with your life.
BIGDORK
bye
*******
1. I get it that you have crazy texting skills. It is obviously too strenuous for you to hit the ‘t’ and the ‘o’ and spell the word ‘to’. The number two on your mobile is going to be worn right out any second now. Then where will you be?!? Dork!
2. I get it that you are probably writing to me on MySpace from your cell phone. But, if the recipient cannot understand what you are trying to communicate, you may want to reconsider your methodology. Here’s a tip . . . you probably do not actually want to be with a woman that can understand your Ebonic ramblings. She probably would not be able to have a real conversation wit u!
3. Dude! You are more high maintenance than any chick that I have ever met in my entire life! You are whining because I don’t want to meet you in person? Why do you think that is? Maybe because you are a little bitch that has nothing better to do than try to meet up with seemingly random people from the Internet?!? If I wanted to be turned into a lampshade, I might agree to meet up with you. But, since I have the desire to live, I think I will steer clear. Thanks for the offer though . . .
4. The 1:30 am phone calls? In my world, your ass had better dead . . . because rational people do not call others in the middle of the night to shoot the shit. It makes no difference that I was out on a date when the call came in . . . it matters that you do not have the common sense or decency to avoid calling people at such an ungodly hour. Pathetic!
5. Not to belabor this point, but it seems to be a continuous issue in my world. If I tell you that I am dating someone, in a relationship, and/or unavailable, you need to respect that. Even if it is a bold-faced lie, you should have enough self-respect to stop pressing the matter . . . and if you don’t, then you deserve to have your ego shattered. Sometimes women tell harmless lies to spare your feelings. There’s no need to always crush your tiny little spirit . . . . but if you make it necessary, you know we are up to the challenge. So, asshole, get a clue! And if you are completely clueless, you may want to consider becoming a hermit. The world does not really need your presence. There is already enough stupidity going around!!!
That’s it for me for right now. My family is coming into town, so I am going to be very busy for the next few weeks. As such, there won’t be any other blogs immediately forthcoming. I hope that you enjoyed this installment in my series . . . sadly, you know I will be back with more . . . it’s only a matter of time! Stay tuned!!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XIII
The pain! The pain of it all! This Hall of Shame winner just really couldn’t buy a clue if he had a million dollars. Check out our email chain . . . my comments are at the end. He he . . . I did have fun with this one!
*******
Sent by: Pablo
jenny you so sexy i lake to take you out plz
----------------------------------
Sent by: Jenny
Lord . . . is that the best you could come up with?!? In case you missed it, my status says ‘In a Relationship’. So, get lost!
----------------------------------
Sent by: Pablo
am sorry i wait fo you he is a lucky man i see you pic and fall an love with you
----------------------------------
Sent by: Jenny
Are you not married? Seems to me that you have a picture of a wife and child on your profile. I’m so emailing her, you giant loser! Your faithless ass will be in divorce court by the end of the year!
----------------------------------
Sent by: Pablo
am sorry im an love with you you so sexy
*******
Jenny’s Two Cents Worth:
1. Okay . . . so, obviously, this guy has a very limited handle on the English language. All the more reason why he should refrain from emailing people like me! Loser! Go find some nice chica that wants your lame Latino attention!
2. Seriously! If you are going to use the Internet to try and commit adultery, do not use the profile that has your WIFE as your number one friend! For the love of God! How freaking dumb are you?!?
3. If you are going to be a total waste of skin, could you maybe take the pictures of your child off of your profile? Even if you and your wife are into some freaky crap online, your innocent child shouldn’t have anything to do with it. It pains me that people like this are able to produce children . . . heaven only knows what type of lifestyle that poor child has.
4. What in the Sam Hill makes people think that it is okay to throw the word “love” around all of the time? You do not love me, you giant freak of nature! It is very clear that you do not even know what love is . . .
5. I did email his wife . . . yeah . . . because I am a heinous bitch like that. Her response? A dramatic online sigh and a thank you to me for letting her know. She reported that her husband of eight years does this all of the time . . . and no, he really is not that bright. But, for all of that, she ‘loves’ him . . . I wonder if it is the same way that he loves me? It could explain a lot.
6. The truly tragic thing about this whole situation is that Pablo’s wife actually told me that she has interrupted several real-life assignations that Pablo set-up. Tell me, ladies, what would you do to little Pablo in this situation? Yeah . . . Lorena Bobbitt would have nothing on me! I guess his wife is just pathetic enough to put up with it . . . so I guess she deserves it. Maybe when she ends up with some communicable disease from her cheating husband, she will actually get a clue. But, I wouldn’t bank on it . . .
7. You are sorry? You don't say?!? Honestly . . . stop apologizing all over the place! I know that your ass is sorry . . . I knew it from the second that I saw the mail in my Inbox. Do the world a favor, would you? Kill yourself now . . . I will loan you my gun.
FYI: Pablo was never even on my friend list. He ‘fell in love’ with me based on my default picture alone. Mmmm . . . quite the femme fatale aren’t I? Ha ha ha ha . . .
*******
Sent by: Pablo
jenny you so sexy i lake to take you out plz
----------------------------------
Sent by: Jenny
Lord . . . is that the best you could come up with?!? In case you missed it, my status says ‘In a Relationship’. So, get lost!
----------------------------------
Sent by: Pablo
am sorry i wait fo you he is a lucky man i see you pic and fall an love with you
----------------------------------
Sent by: Jenny
Are you not married? Seems to me that you have a picture of a wife and child on your profile. I’m so emailing her, you giant loser! Your faithless ass will be in divorce court by the end of the year!
----------------------------------
Sent by: Pablo
am sorry im an love with you you so sexy
*******
Jenny’s Two Cents Worth:
1. Okay . . . so, obviously, this guy has a very limited handle on the English language. All the more reason why he should refrain from emailing people like me! Loser! Go find some nice chica that wants your lame Latino attention!
2. Seriously! If you are going to use the Internet to try and commit adultery, do not use the profile that has your WIFE as your number one friend! For the love of God! How freaking dumb are you?!?
3. If you are going to be a total waste of skin, could you maybe take the pictures of your child off of your profile? Even if you and your wife are into some freaky crap online, your innocent child shouldn’t have anything to do with it. It pains me that people like this are able to produce children . . . heaven only knows what type of lifestyle that poor child has.
4. What in the Sam Hill makes people think that it is okay to throw the word “love” around all of the time? You do not love me, you giant freak of nature! It is very clear that you do not even know what love is . . .
5. I did email his wife . . . yeah . . . because I am a heinous bitch like that. Her response? A dramatic online sigh and a thank you to me for letting her know. She reported that her husband of eight years does this all of the time . . . and no, he really is not that bright. But, for all of that, she ‘loves’ him . . . I wonder if it is the same way that he loves me? It could explain a lot.
6. The truly tragic thing about this whole situation is that Pablo’s wife actually told me that she has interrupted several real-life assignations that Pablo set-up. Tell me, ladies, what would you do to little Pablo in this situation? Yeah . . . Lorena Bobbitt would have nothing on me! I guess his wife is just pathetic enough to put up with it . . . so I guess she deserves it. Maybe when she ends up with some communicable disease from her cheating husband, she will actually get a clue. But, I wouldn’t bank on it . . .
7. You are sorry? You don't say?!? Honestly . . . stop apologizing all over the place! I know that your ass is sorry . . . I knew it from the second that I saw the mail in my Inbox. Do the world a favor, would you? Kill yourself now . . . I will loan you my gun.
FYI: Pablo was never even on my friend list. He ‘fell in love’ with me based on my default picture alone. Mmmm . . . quite the femme fatale aren’t I? Ha ha ha ha . . .
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Hall of Shame ~ Part XII
Well, it has been a few weeks since I have had the burning desire to write a Hall of Shame blog. Mind you, it is not because I have not had any fools to destroy with my rapier wit; I have just been otherwise occupied. But, there was just no way that this guy could escape without some special recognition in my favorite blog series. So read below for his ridiculous e-mail and for my commentary. Seriously . . . what a sad, sad state of affairs the world is in if this is the quality of men that find me attractive!
******
From: Arizona Whoknows
Date: March 13, 2008 11:41 PM
Subject: DAMN U R 1 GORGEOUS LADY CAN WE CHAT PLEASE
HI,IM ARIZONA AND I SAW U AND UR PROFILE MY YEARBOOK AND ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I THINK U R SODAMN DROP DEAD GORGEOUS PLUS I WANT 2 SAY IF U COULD SIT ACROSS THE PORCH FROM GOD U WOULD THANK HIM 4 LENDING ME 2 U "NO I WOULD THANK HIM AND GAVE HIM ALL MY PRAISE 4 LETTIN ME ENTER N2 UR LIFE AND SHOW U HOW A MAN SUPPOSED 2 TREAT A BABY GODDESS LIKE U WITH NOTHING BUT 2 SPOIL, LUV, AND PAPMER UNTIL HE TAKES U AWAY FROM ME I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL 4 THE BABY GODDESS THAT HE GAVE ME 4 MY LIFE TIME CUZ IF I CAN SHARE JUST ONE MOMENT WITH U I CAN JUST DIE AND GO 2 HEAVEN A VERY VERY DAMN LUCKY ASS MAN REALLY I THINK U R SODAMN DROP DEAD GORGEOUS AND I WOULD LUV 2 GET 2KNOW U IF U DONT MIND SO "IF U LIKE LETS CHAT THERE NO HARM IN THAT" IF U LIKE IM ON YAHOO MESSAGER AT XXXXXXXXX@YAHOO.COM OR IF U LIKE HERE MY . ITS 540 397-XXXX CALL ME ARIZONA "THE KING OF TONGUES
******
1. Let me start with your chosen name. Arizona?!? Come on! I know there are some horribly ridiculous parents out there that name their children bizarre things . . . but to deliberately pick the name of a state as your name? Jack donkey!
2. Next . . . have you ever heard of something called punctuation? Well, obviously you have not. I will not even mention sentence structure, as you may break out in hives at the concept.
3. Shall we count how many times you cursed in the e-mail? Five! Boy, if you cannot even send an e-mail without swearing, what is the likelihood that you could converse like an intelligent person? Ummm . . . not very likely!
4. Typographical errors are not a good thing. If you are going to try to woo a woman with your words, make sure that you spell them correctly. You want to ’papmer’ me? Is that something kinky that I have not yet been exposed to? Well, regardless, I am not interested.
5. Did you seriously give me your phone number in an introductory e-mail? Come on! Do you know the damage that I could do with that? If I were even slightly less of a decent person, I would post that puppy online and have ten thousand people calling you within minutes. Fool!
6. There isn’t any harm in chatting? Maybe not for you . . . what about me? I would be rapidly driven insane by your poor grammar, foul language, and all caps! Poison eye!
7. The King of Tongues?!? I threw up in my mouth when I read that. I am still distinctly nauseous at the thought. In fact, I may never be the same.
8. You say that if you could spend just one moment with me that you could die and go to heaven a lucky man. Is that a promise? Because if it is, I think I could personally sacrifice that moment in time if it will save the rest of the world the hassle of having to experience you in any way, shape, or form.
9. If I am so drop dead gorgeous, why are you still alive? Hmmm . . . there is something to ponder. Go ahead . . . drop dead. I’m waiting . . .
******
From: Arizona Whoknows
Date: March 13, 2008 11:41 PM
Subject: DAMN U R 1 GORGEOUS LADY CAN WE CHAT PLEASE
HI,IM ARIZONA AND I SAW U AND UR PROFILE MY YEARBOOK AND ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I THINK U R SODAMN DROP DEAD GORGEOUS PLUS I WANT 2 SAY IF U COULD SIT ACROSS THE PORCH FROM GOD U WOULD THANK HIM 4 LENDING ME 2 U "NO I WOULD THANK HIM AND GAVE HIM ALL MY PRAISE 4 LETTIN ME ENTER N2 UR LIFE AND SHOW U HOW A MAN SUPPOSED 2 TREAT A BABY GODDESS LIKE U WITH NOTHING BUT 2 SPOIL, LUV, AND PAPMER UNTIL HE TAKES U AWAY FROM ME I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL 4 THE BABY GODDESS THAT HE GAVE ME 4 MY LIFE TIME CUZ IF I CAN SHARE JUST ONE MOMENT WITH U I CAN JUST DIE AND GO 2 HEAVEN A VERY VERY DAMN LUCKY ASS MAN REALLY I THINK U R SODAMN DROP DEAD GORGEOUS AND I WOULD LUV 2 GET 2KNOW U IF U DONT MIND SO "IF U LIKE LETS CHAT THERE NO HARM IN THAT" IF U LIKE IM ON YAHOO MESSAGER AT XXXXXXXXX@YAHOO.COM OR IF U LIKE HERE MY . ITS 540 397-XXXX CALL ME ARIZONA "THE KING OF TONGUES
******
1. Let me start with your chosen name. Arizona?!? Come on! I know there are some horribly ridiculous parents out there that name their children bizarre things . . . but to deliberately pick the name of a state as your name? Jack donkey!
2. Next . . . have you ever heard of something called punctuation? Well, obviously you have not. I will not even mention sentence structure, as you may break out in hives at the concept.
3. Shall we count how many times you cursed in the e-mail? Five! Boy, if you cannot even send an e-mail without swearing, what is the likelihood that you could converse like an intelligent person? Ummm . . . not very likely!
4. Typographical errors are not a good thing. If you are going to try to woo a woman with your words, make sure that you spell them correctly. You want to ’papmer’ me? Is that something kinky that I have not yet been exposed to? Well, regardless, I am not interested.
5. Did you seriously give me your phone number in an introductory e-mail? Come on! Do you know the damage that I could do with that? If I were even slightly less of a decent person, I would post that puppy online and have ten thousand people calling you within minutes. Fool!
6. There isn’t any harm in chatting? Maybe not for you . . . what about me? I would be rapidly driven insane by your poor grammar, foul language, and all caps! Poison eye!
7. The King of Tongues?!? I threw up in my mouth when I read that. I am still distinctly nauseous at the thought. In fact, I may never be the same.
8. You say that if you could spend just one moment with me that you could die and go to heaven a lucky man. Is that a promise? Because if it is, I think I could personally sacrifice that moment in time if it will save the rest of the world the hassle of having to experience you in any way, shape, or form.
9. If I am so drop dead gorgeous, why are you still alive? Hmmm . . . there is something to ponder. Go ahead . . . drop dead. I’m waiting . . .
Friday, November 21, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XI
Just because I am feeling a bit evil today, I thought I would post another Hall of Shame blog. The winner this week sent me an email from a private MySpace page that did not have any pictures included. Sure . . . you are a perfectly normal guy . . . not at all a psycho serial killer just preying on unsuspecting fat chicks. Read on . . . if you dare!
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: BBW_LOVER_ALL _DAY
Date: Feb 15, 2008 12:04 AM
i am a sexy blk guy that like white bbw to get to know and see what happens. if interested sexy email me and lets get to chat. I just like what i saw. What do you do?i am a biochemistry premed student who adores bbw. Have a great day. I am looking for relationship. Your true admirer is finally here. I have pics to share with you
*****
My two cents worth:
1) If you are so sexy, why don’t you have at least a default profile picture? Sexy black guy translates to ungroomed, toothless freak . . . especially if you do not have a picture to back it up.
2) “Let’s get to chat” – Are you kidding me? Sure . . . you do not use appropriate punctuation nor capitalization and cannot transition from one thought to another. Chatting with you would be an exercise in frustration for those of us in the real world that actually paid attention in our high school English courses.
3) Biochemistry Premed Student? Who are you trying to fool with that one? More like an unemployed, undereducated grocery cart collector from the Acme down on Market Street.
4) What do I do? Slaughter fools like you in my blogs . . . and I get an immense (and probably slightly deranged) joy out of it.
5) Your name is really “BBW Lover All Day”? Come on! What kind of self-respecting fat chick is going to go for that? I mean, we know we are fat . . . you do not need to announce to the world that you are only interested in us because you have some sort of sick fat fetish. Note: I did not change his name . . . so if you are feeling as mischievous as I do sometimes, feel free to message him to have some fun.
6) My true admirer is finally here? My lucky stars! I can now die . . . happy and content just knowing that “BBW Lover All Day” has successfully admired me! PTL and pass the pancakes!
7) You have pictures to share with me? Really? Wow . . . I am hoping and praying that they are of your two inches of screaming thunder . . . because your unwillingness to put your real picture on your MySpace page definitely has me intrigued about what you have downstairs.
Seriously . . . if you are a guy and on MySpace looking for love in all the wrong places, I would love for you to learn a few lessons from this Loserville.
Take more than five seconds to create the email of interest you are sending. It should not include every random thought that pops into your head. At a minimum, the message should include your given name . . . not some ghetto nickname that you think is amusing.
Take the time to read her profile and make sure that she is not already in a relationship before you contact her trying to solicit one. One would think I would not have to remind you of that fact . . . but seemingly, I do.
And, above all else, please post a picture of yourself. No one with half a brain in her head is going to give you five seconds of her time or take you at all seriously. Even if you look like a troll, at least the girl will know you have the confidence not to hide behind a blank profile.
All of that being said . . . I hope that you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I definitely did . . . and my snarly mood today is no reflection of the stimulating holiday I celebrated yesterday. I love being struck stupid by cupid!!!
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: BBW_LOVER_ALL _DAY
Date: Feb 15, 2008 12:04 AM
i am a sexy blk guy that like white bbw to get to know and see what happens. if interested sexy email me and lets get to chat. I just like what i saw. What do you do?i am a biochemistry premed student who adores bbw. Have a great day. I am looking for relationship. Your true admirer is finally here. I have pics to share with you
*****
My two cents worth:
1) If you are so sexy, why don’t you have at least a default profile picture? Sexy black guy translates to ungroomed, toothless freak . . . especially if you do not have a picture to back it up.
2) “Let’s get to chat” – Are you kidding me? Sure . . . you do not use appropriate punctuation nor capitalization and cannot transition from one thought to another. Chatting with you would be an exercise in frustration for those of us in the real world that actually paid attention in our high school English courses.
3) Biochemistry Premed Student? Who are you trying to fool with that one? More like an unemployed, undereducated grocery cart collector from the Acme down on Market Street.
4) What do I do? Slaughter fools like you in my blogs . . . and I get an immense (and probably slightly deranged) joy out of it.
5) Your name is really “BBW Lover All Day”? Come on! What kind of self-respecting fat chick is going to go for that? I mean, we know we are fat . . . you do not need to announce to the world that you are only interested in us because you have some sort of sick fat fetish. Note: I did not change his name . . . so if you are feeling as mischievous as I do sometimes, feel free to message him to have some fun.
6) My true admirer is finally here? My lucky stars! I can now die . . . happy and content just knowing that “BBW Lover All Day” has successfully admired me! PTL and pass the pancakes!
7) You have pictures to share with me? Really? Wow . . . I am hoping and praying that they are of your two inches of screaming thunder . . . because your unwillingness to put your real picture on your MySpace page definitely has me intrigued about what you have downstairs.
Seriously . . . if you are a guy and on MySpace looking for love in all the wrong places, I would love for you to learn a few lessons from this Loserville.
Take more than five seconds to create the email of interest you are sending. It should not include every random thought that pops into your head. At a minimum, the message should include your given name . . . not some ghetto nickname that you think is amusing.
Take the time to read her profile and make sure that she is not already in a relationship before you contact her trying to solicit one. One would think I would not have to remind you of that fact . . . but seemingly, I do.
And, above all else, please post a picture of yourself. No one with half a brain in her head is going to give you five seconds of her time or take you at all seriously. Even if you look like a troll, at least the girl will know you have the confidence not to hide behind a blank profile.
All of that being said . . . I hope that you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I definitely did . . . and my snarly mood today is no reflection of the stimulating holiday I celebrated yesterday. I love being struck stupid by cupid!!!
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