Good evening one and all! I hope that you are all having a great week! I am very pleased to bring you the fifth installment in my Hall of Shame series.
The loser this week is pretty much his own worst enemy. Too much information will sink even the hottest guy in the world . . . of which this dude was not one!
Now, there isn’t any way that he could have know this, but there is nothing more in this world that I hate more than a faithless partner. I try very valiantly not to judge others and the decisions that they make in their personal lives; however, when it is delivered into my email box, I get to comment on it.
Here’s the email from the loser “B” . . . his name has been altered just to protect his identity. I have not made any other changes to his email.
----------------- Original Message -----------------From: BDate: Aug 20, 2007 11:05 PM
Subject: I NEED to get you off!
Here’s the situation, I am a married white male who is bored with his current situation. My wife had an affair about 18 months ago and I found out and forgave her. We still have a good home life, but...our sex life, however, has gone down the drain. She told me last year to go and find a buddy to create balance, which I resisted until now. But 11 months without sex makes a guy think.
I know lots of folks will say just end it or whatever, but this is my situation to deal with. I do not need your insertion of morals of right and wrong here. My wife does not want to know what I am up to and hopes that I will play safely, which I absolutely will.
I like women, I won't lie. BBW's get extra credit in my book, only because I have been with a few and DAMN, they were all awesome in the bedroom. I love a woman with curves, who isn’t afraid to use them. I can look at your picture and see that you are very easily one of these women that I crave so much.
If you like to be pleased orally and sexually, then I am your man. I am a good-looking, easy-going guy who wants to worship every inch of you. Your picture has really sparked my interest. I hope to hear from you soon.
B
*****
If you have ever been cheated on in a relationship, be it a marriage or just while dating someone, you will surely understand where I am coming from here. So, your wife goes and gets her rocks off with some other guy . . . you claim to “forgive” her . . . but cannot resume your sexual relationship with your cheating wife. Then why the hell are you still with her? I can tell you . . . it’s because she will take your ass to the cleaner’s with the divorce settlement, alimony, and (one can only assume) child support. That’s why you stay . . . because you do not want to live in poverty following the divorce!
First, I have yet to meet a man that is able to go without sex for an extended period of time – especially if he has a wifey at home that can put out. At the very least, he is going to be plowing her just for a regular release. What makes a guy think that any reasonably intelligent woman is going to be interested in what he is offering?
Second, I would NEVER demean myself by staying with someone that was unfaithful to me. Nor would I ever knowingly enter a relationship with someone that is a known cheater. In my world, once a cheater – always a cheater. And I know that I am better than that . . .
Third, I don’t want some guy that is going to treat me like a slam chop and then return home to play dutiful husband to wifey and the kids. He surely isn’t going to have the cold hard cash to drop to squire me around town . . . and believe me, there’s no way a guy can breech my defenses, without some serious wooing!
Fourth, his cheating spouse probably afflicted him with some disgusting disease that he is looking to pass off on some unsuspecting BBW online. Wifey wants him to “play safely”? Isn’t that a bit much to expect? You know what you could expect? Some creepy crawlies . . . syphilis . . . gonorrhea . . . chlamydia . . . crabs . . . the list could go on and on. NO THANKS!
My profile makes it more than abundantly clear that I am not interested in meeting up with people for casual relationships . . . yet, these are the types of emails that I get with frightening regularity. I thank God above that I have self-confidence, self-respect, and love for myself . . . I shudder to think of the sad and pathetic woman out there that would fall for this.
That’s my diatribe for this week . . . stay tuned for Loser #6 next week. I’ve already got HER picked out! That’s right . . . HER! He he . . .
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part IV
Greetings my treasured ones! Welcome to The Hall of Shame ~ Part IV!
I had a bit of a hard time selecting the loser for my weekly blog . . . not because I didn’t have enough fodder, but because I didn’t want to turn the blog into a diatribe on diversity.
So before I even go any further, I want to state unequivocally, that I am not now – nor have I ever been – a racist. I am a firm believer in equality . . . and do not think that race or gender have anything to do with a person’s worth. I am not posting these blogs to mock individuals of a certain race or ethnicity . . . if I were going to be a racist pig, I would proactively identify the race of the person that contacted me. So, make assumptions all you want . . . I cannot control that.
In this specific case, the offender identifies his race on his own . . . and if he is willing to put it out there himself, why should I censor it? Far be it for me to withhold information from the masses! So enjoy the message . . . and read below for the wrath of Jenny!
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Love Her or F**k Her – S’All The Same
Date: Aug 12, 2007 12:05 PM
Whats poppin ripe one? I was browsin thru MySpace n came across your profile. Why you hidin your pictures for? A girl fine as you should be proud n show your goods. I can tell you that there aren’t a lot of women heres that are as nice lookin and as educated as you. Bein fat aint nothin to be ashamed of. Im a big boy myself n never mind showin off what my mama gave me! LMFAO!
It’s Sunday mornin here, so I bet that a sweet one such as yourself is off at church. You had best be prayin for forgiveness for being so fine! Dayum girl! Check out my page n let me know if your interested. I am the full package n know that you will think the same. I aint got no kids n am not married, so theres no baby mama drama heres. And Im definitely thinking that the combo of this dark chocolate with your white chocolate will be a sweet mixture. Im thinkin that we could make some beautiful babies together.
When you write back, lay out your Yahoo and cellie and I will be all over that.
Muah!
D
******
I received the email above on Sunday night . . . and it struck a really mean note with me. So, first he tells me that I’m attractive . . . even though I’m big . . . which is a good thing cause a girl can’t hear enough of that.
However, what I do not like is how he automatically assumed that I should be a good church-going type of gal . . . and then make a joke of prayer. What kind of sense does that make? If I were religious, I would have been mortally offended at his blasphemy . . . it wasn’t something that was going to enamor me of his ass, which is surely headed straight to hell! Strike One!
Then he proceeds to inform me that he does not have any children, which is of no specific consequence to me. With children or without, makes no difference. What I DETEST is that he said “there’s no baby mama drama here” like it was something that could have been inflicted upon him. Well, hello braniac! The guys that have “baby mama drama” bring it on themselves by not keeping it in their pants – or by not wrapping their package before delivering it. Furthermore, how does he know that I do not have any children of my own? Perhaps I am one of the women serving the “baby mama drama”? Strike Two!
Finally, what on earth makes this guy think that I am going to give him my Yahoo screen name and cell phone number after getting one gnarly email from his loser ass? Come on! Do these guys not live in real world, where there are stalkers and murderers around every corner? I may be overly security conscious, but give me a freaking break! Add to that, his profile was Private, so I would have had to request to be on his friend list to “check him out”. That was so NOT going to happen! Strike Three!
It’s pathetic . . . and painful to me that men like this continue to function. It astounds me that this guy actually has enough brainpower to walk upright every single day. It frightens me that, one day, he will procreate . . . and pass the cycle of retardation onto an unsuspecting and innocent brood.
That’s it for now . . . I am already queuing up contestant’s for the next blog. I’m thinking it’s going to be a real winner! Thanks for reading my blog . . . now leave me some love damn it!
I had a bit of a hard time selecting the loser for my weekly blog . . . not because I didn’t have enough fodder, but because I didn’t want to turn the blog into a diatribe on diversity.
So before I even go any further, I want to state unequivocally, that I am not now – nor have I ever been – a racist. I am a firm believer in equality . . . and do not think that race or gender have anything to do with a person’s worth. I am not posting these blogs to mock individuals of a certain race or ethnicity . . . if I were going to be a racist pig, I would proactively identify the race of the person that contacted me. So, make assumptions all you want . . . I cannot control that.
In this specific case, the offender identifies his race on his own . . . and if he is willing to put it out there himself, why should I censor it? Far be it for me to withhold information from the masses! So enjoy the message . . . and read below for the wrath of Jenny!
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Love Her or F**k Her – S’All The Same
Date: Aug 12, 2007 12:05 PM
Whats poppin ripe one? I was browsin thru MySpace n came across your profile. Why you hidin your pictures for? A girl fine as you should be proud n show your goods. I can tell you that there aren’t a lot of women heres that are as nice lookin and as educated as you. Bein fat aint nothin to be ashamed of. Im a big boy myself n never mind showin off what my mama gave me! LMFAO!
It’s Sunday mornin here, so I bet that a sweet one such as yourself is off at church. You had best be prayin for forgiveness for being so fine! Dayum girl! Check out my page n let me know if your interested. I am the full package n know that you will think the same. I aint got no kids n am not married, so theres no baby mama drama heres. And Im definitely thinking that the combo of this dark chocolate with your white chocolate will be a sweet mixture. Im thinkin that we could make some beautiful babies together.
When you write back, lay out your Yahoo and cellie and I will be all over that.
Muah!
D
******
I received the email above on Sunday night . . . and it struck a really mean note with me. So, first he tells me that I’m attractive . . . even though I’m big . . . which is a good thing cause a girl can’t hear enough of that.
However, what I do not like is how he automatically assumed that I should be a good church-going type of gal . . . and then make a joke of prayer. What kind of sense does that make? If I were religious, I would have been mortally offended at his blasphemy . . . it wasn’t something that was going to enamor me of his ass, which is surely headed straight to hell! Strike One!
Then he proceeds to inform me that he does not have any children, which is of no specific consequence to me. With children or without, makes no difference. What I DETEST is that he said “there’s no baby mama drama here” like it was something that could have been inflicted upon him. Well, hello braniac! The guys that have “baby mama drama” bring it on themselves by not keeping it in their pants – or by not wrapping their package before delivering it. Furthermore, how does he know that I do not have any children of my own? Perhaps I am one of the women serving the “baby mama drama”? Strike Two!
Finally, what on earth makes this guy think that I am going to give him my Yahoo screen name and cell phone number after getting one gnarly email from his loser ass? Come on! Do these guys not live in real world, where there are stalkers and murderers around every corner? I may be overly security conscious, but give me a freaking break! Add to that, his profile was Private, so I would have had to request to be on his friend list to “check him out”. That was so NOT going to happen! Strike Three!
It’s pathetic . . . and painful to me that men like this continue to function. It astounds me that this guy actually has enough brainpower to walk upright every single day. It frightens me that, one day, he will procreate . . . and pass the cycle of retardation onto an unsuspecting and innocent brood.
That’s it for now . . . I am already queuing up contestant’s for the next blog. I’m thinking it’s going to be a real winner! Thanks for reading my blog . . . now leave me some love damn it!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Hall of Shame ~ Part III
Happy Hump Day everyone! I hope that you are all braving the heat as best as you can . . . it’s been seriously hot in the Philadelphia area this week. But not as hot as my Inbox! It has been smoking!
I got the email below from a random guy on MySpace – that is neither on my friends list now, nor will he ever be. He is 33 years old, married, and has three children. Wonderful guy, huh? I am thinking of nominating him for a Father of the Year award . . .
Mmmmm mmmm . . . do you know what I spy? The man of my dreams . . . he’s uneducated, underemployed, and cannot type a complete sentence to save his life! As always, I have not altered the message below – except to remove this idiot’s name out of the “From” section.
Because of the horrific composition of the email, I have actually translated the message into English for you below his original. I adore you all so much that I just couldn’t allow you to also develop a twitch in your eye as you fruitlessly endeavored to make out what this fool was saying.
I hope that you enjoy the latest installment in this series. Inasmuch as some of my friends think that I am mean-spirited for writing these, I am seriously loving them!
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: HALL OF SHAME ~ CONTESTANT THREE
Date: Aug 7, 2007 11:23 AM
hi mami i cant see all of ur picturs but im feeln u bg tme rght now. actle im feeln smethng bg tme rght now n it isnt just ur picturs lol
jst wntd 2 drp u sum mjr luv n let u no that im wntn u n a sres way. holla bac n I cn sho u wht i hav 2 ofr. u wil not be dspntd n mi 9 nchz. dntb a btch no n gnre dis. im sres bot u mami.
muah,
ur lvr
Jenny’s translation for those of you that are unable to make any sense of this message at all:
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: HALL OF SHAME ~ CONTESTANT THREE
Date: Aug 7, 2007 11:23AM
Hi girlfriend. I cannot see all of your pictures, but I am feeling you big time right now. Actually, I’m feeling something big time right now and it isn’t just your pictures. LOL
Just wanted to drop you some major love and let you know that I am wanting you in a serious way. Holler back and I can show you what I have to offer. You will not be disappointed in my nine inches. Don’t be a bitch now and ignore this. I am serious about you girlfriend.
Kisses,
Your Lover
I got the email below from a random guy on MySpace – that is neither on my friends list now, nor will he ever be. He is 33 years old, married, and has three children. Wonderful guy, huh? I am thinking of nominating him for a Father of the Year award . . .
Mmmmm mmmm . . . do you know what I spy? The man of my dreams . . . he’s uneducated, underemployed, and cannot type a complete sentence to save his life! As always, I have not altered the message below – except to remove this idiot’s name out of the “From” section.
Because of the horrific composition of the email, I have actually translated the message into English for you below his original. I adore you all so much that I just couldn’t allow you to also develop a twitch in your eye as you fruitlessly endeavored to make out what this fool was saying.
I hope that you enjoy the latest installment in this series. Inasmuch as some of my friends think that I am mean-spirited for writing these, I am seriously loving them!
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: HALL OF SHAME ~ CONTESTANT THREE
Date: Aug 7, 2007 11:23 AM
hi mami i cant see all of ur picturs but im feeln u bg tme rght now. actle im feeln smethng bg tme rght now n it isnt just ur picturs lol
jst wntd 2 drp u sum mjr luv n let u no that im wntn u n a sres way. holla bac n I cn sho u wht i hav 2 ofr. u wil not be dspntd n mi 9 nchz. dntb a btch no n gnre dis. im sres bot u mami.
muah,
ur lvr
Jenny’s translation for those of you that are unable to make any sense of this message at all:
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: HALL OF SHAME ~ CONTESTANT THREE
Date: Aug 7, 2007 11:23AM
Hi girlfriend. I cannot see all of your pictures, but I am feeling you big time right now. Actually, I’m feeling something big time right now and it isn’t just your pictures. LOL
Just wanted to drop you some major love and let you know that I am wanting you in a serious way. Holler back and I can show you what I have to offer. You will not be disappointed in my nine inches. Don’t be a bitch now and ignore this. I am serious about you girlfriend.
Kisses,
Your Lover
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