Mmm . . . yeah . . . so there isn’t much that I can really share about this particular crackhead that messaged me on my dating profile. His stupidity is almost overwhelming and I knew right away that he just had to be featured in my Hall of Shame.
I am quite sure that he is at home right now abusing someone . . . or something. What a nightmare! But I did have a great time emailing him back to enumerate what a mentally dysfunctional piece of manhood he is! Happy reading!
***
From: DominantFool
To: Jenny
Date: Sep. 12, 2010 – 1:02 pm
Subject: Possible Match
You are one of my quick matches for the week. I thought your profile was interesting. I am not a man to be dictated too though, so we may not match after all. This is the way I work.
I won’t tell you that you are beautiful – because you aren’t. But I will treat you well.
I won’t let you walk on me – because I am the man and always wear the pants. But I will allow you to have an opinion. I just won’t listen to it.
I won’t be your lapdog – because I lead and you follow. But I will let you choose the destination – at times.
I won’t embrace your independence – because I think you have already had too much of a taste of it. But I will allow you to take care of me.
I think you can accept these things and would thrive in my care. Message me back. I’ll be waiting.
Bill
***
From: Jenny
To: DominantFool
Date: Sep. 12, 2010 – 5:27 pm
Subject: Re: Possible Match
Wow . . . Bill . . . there really aren’t words to appropriately express my displeasure at having been one of your quick matches for the week. This web site is CLEARLY doing something very wrong if they thought that we could be even remotely compatible.
But, let me clear up a few things for you . . .
1) I don’t need someone that looks like Where’s Waldo telling me that I am not beautiful. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder . . . but you clearly have a warped perception of beauty. I would like to think that you have reacted so violently to my appearance because it made you even more cognizant of the fact that you are a troll that should be guarding a bridge somewhere. But, sadly, I don’t think you are that self-aware. I suggest you step away from the computer and return to your bridge. No one wants you . . .
2) You will treat me well . . . mmm . . . I don’t think so. Anyone that starts out by insulting me cannot go anywhere but down. Somehow I think that you are one of those controlling and abusive men that I have had the misfortune to encounter more times than I am comfortable with. I recommend that you stick with abusing yourself . . . because one of these days, you will attack the wrong person and find yourself on the receiving end of a Bobbitization. I kind of wish I could be that person . . .
3) You will allow me to have an opinion – yet you don’t care about it. Really? Wow! That is just swell of you! But, let me assure you, no one cares about your needs less than a strong, self-assured woman like myself. You need to return to therapy and figure out what it is about yourself that is so horrible that you think you need to control someone else to feel like a man. You are just sad and pathetic.
4) Lapdog? I want no part of a lapdog and my profile does not insinuate such a thing in any way, shape, or form. I would never want to be with a weak and spineless man . . . but, I also can’t be with someone that thinks it is okay to control every aspect of my life. And, believe me, the day will NEVER come when I have to follow anyone. The only place I think you could lead anyone to is hell. And I can earn my own trip there.
5) A woman can never have too much independence. You have clearly had some sort of psychotic break . . . or have quite simply forgotten that this is 2010 . . . women rule this world. Men are just the ones that clean up after us. The sooner you recognize that and submit to the higher power that women are now, the happier you will be.
6) In case you have not yet figured this out for yourself, I am not interested in you – or anything about you – except maybe in trying to protect the rest of the women in the world from your foul behavior. I could never live with a loserville like you and your controlling actions. And I am glad you were waiting for my response. I hope you have enjoyed reading it. Somehow I think I got a lot more pleasure from it than you did.
Now I suggest you run along and re-evaluate every aspect of your life and personality. Otherwise you are destined to die alone . . . the same way that you have surely lived your entire life.
Don’t be mad now . . . I’m just trying to help a guy out! Now shoo you pest! And don’t bother to try and reply to my message . . . I have already blocked you. I know it isn’t possible to truly penetrate that thick skull of yours . . . and I refuse to spend any more of my valuable energy debating the reality of the world with you.
~ Jenny
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXXII
So, I decided to take a bit of a break from sharing the lame-ass emails I have been getting from ‘men of interest’ online . . . just so that everyone doesn’t think that I am a total bitch all of the time. But, I got one email this week that just begged to be included in the series . . . some asses are just too good to keep to myself.
This email came from a loser on the dating web site that I use . . . he is 49, divorced, and the father of FOUR! Apparently, when he isn’t busy propagating the species, he trolls the Internet for women to attack. I think he got a bit more than he bargained for when he made his personal mission to help this girl out. Suckerbunny!
***
From: Asshat
To: Jenny
Date: Sep. 4, 3020 – 8:32 am
Subject: A mission to help you out…
A shame that such a potentially good profile is marred with a lack of humility or sensitivity. No, I am not interested, but felt that I absolutely had to let you know how you come across, and it's not positive. I am sure you are a nice girl, but demanding, pompous writing will only get you weak, spineless weirdos who are attracted to a facsimile of their mother. If I am wrong, please forgive my intrusion, but you should consider turning the bitch-o-meter down just a tad ( if you are brutally honest, then you will appreciate the same). Good luck with your search.
***
From: Jenny
To: Asshat
Date: Sep. 4, 3020 – 9:10 pm
Subject: Re: A mission to help you out…
It's amazing that a geriatric wanna-be player thinks that there is a problem with my profile. The reality is that someone as pathetic as you could never live up to even the most meager of my expectations. Inasmuch as you think your email was helpful, it isn't - because I am quite confident that no one cares what you think . . . especially not me.
Just a helpful hint for you, coming across as a total douche bag isn't attractive . . . just because you could NEVER handle a woman that is independent, assertive, and strong does not mean that you should attack them. I am sure that your now ex-wife left your sorry ass behind because you tried to keep her barefoot, pregnant, and silent in your home.
Your Neanderthal opinion is not welcome here. In the future, you would be well-advised to keep your asshat comments to yourself until someone solicits them . . . otherwise, your old ass will never find another sorry sucker to marry. One last thing . . . do the world a favor and stop breeding. You are just damaging the world by continuing to spread yourself about.
And, in case you didn’t figure it out yet, I’m not interested either . . . and am blocking you from contacting me again with more of your Alzheimer-induced rantings.
***
Follow-Up: So, I blocked this man from emailing me again . . . not a surprise because I told him I was going to. He is such a total wackadoodle that he actually created another profile in order to respond to my message. His response?
***
From: Asshat2
To: Jenny
Date: Sep. 6, 3020 – 7:10 pm
Subject: Still trying to help you out…
You know you come across as a total cunt. You are going to have to block everyone on the site if you keep that attitude. Fat girls are rumored to be nice. Not the case with you. Oh well. Your loss.
***
From: Jenny
To: Asshat2
Date: Sep. 6, 3020 – 8:22 pm
Subject: Re: Still trying to help you out…
Wow! You are even more pathetic than I ever envisioned! You should be so proud of yourself . . . because you have just won a place in my Hall of Shame blog series. And I may even put a link to your active profile so that everyone can see what a giant piece of shit you are!
Just a few thoughts . . . you know, to help a guy out.
You can’t use the word cunt . . . if there is anyone here that epitomizes that word, it would be you. Clearly you have been emasculated by someone in your life. You should not take out your issues with your mother on me.
Additionally, I am quite all right with continuing to block the mentally challenged men on this site. If I wanted to settle for spending my life with a waste of skin, I could gladly do that. But, since I have self-respect, confidence, and intelligence on my side, that isn’t necessary. You, however, should consider switching teams. I think that there is a great man out there that could rape you into submission – or at least help you to form some general human decency.
Last, but certainly not least, all fat women are not nice. Some of us do not have to be nice . . . because we are beautiful in our own right. I can be a total bitch and still have men lining up around the block to be with me. Whoever told you that fat chicks are nice clearly didn’t spend much time around them. We will kick your sorry ass to the curb after five seconds. Why is that? Because we can ALWAYS do better . . . and, in your case, it wouldn’t be hard. I know men in prison that are better people than you are.
Now . . . I am going to report your emails to me as abusive to the site administrator. And your IP address will get blocked from further damaging the real women on this web site – of which none of them would be interested in anything to do with you. Unless you count wanting to castrate you. I totally volunteer to lead that pack . . .
Now fuck off!
***
Final Follow-Up: This loser and his accounts were deactivated from the web site . . . and his IP address was blocked from creating additional accounts. I know that is a small victory - because you can always switch IP addresses . . . but it was at least something! One less loser was at least temporarily removed from the site. Go Jenny!
This email came from a loser on the dating web site that I use . . . he is 49, divorced, and the father of FOUR! Apparently, when he isn’t busy propagating the species, he trolls the Internet for women to attack. I think he got a bit more than he bargained for when he made his personal mission to help this girl out. Suckerbunny!
***
From: Asshat
To: Jenny
Date: Sep. 4, 3020 – 8:32 am
Subject: A mission to help you out…
A shame that such a potentially good profile is marred with a lack of humility or sensitivity. No, I am not interested, but felt that I absolutely had to let you know how you come across, and it's not positive. I am sure you are a nice girl, but demanding, pompous writing will only get you weak, spineless weirdos who are attracted to a facsimile of their mother. If I am wrong, please forgive my intrusion, but you should consider turning the bitch-o-meter down just a tad ( if you are brutally honest, then you will appreciate the same). Good luck with your search.
***
From: Jenny
To: Asshat
Date: Sep. 4, 3020 – 9:10 pm
Subject: Re: A mission to help you out…
It's amazing that a geriatric wanna-be player thinks that there is a problem with my profile. The reality is that someone as pathetic as you could never live up to even the most meager of my expectations. Inasmuch as you think your email was helpful, it isn't - because I am quite confident that no one cares what you think . . . especially not me.
Just a helpful hint for you, coming across as a total douche bag isn't attractive . . . just because you could NEVER handle a woman that is independent, assertive, and strong does not mean that you should attack them. I am sure that your now ex-wife left your sorry ass behind because you tried to keep her barefoot, pregnant, and silent in your home.
Your Neanderthal opinion is not welcome here. In the future, you would be well-advised to keep your asshat comments to yourself until someone solicits them . . . otherwise, your old ass will never find another sorry sucker to marry. One last thing . . . do the world a favor and stop breeding. You are just damaging the world by continuing to spread yourself about.
And, in case you didn’t figure it out yet, I’m not interested either . . . and am blocking you from contacting me again with more of your Alzheimer-induced rantings.
***
Follow-Up: So, I blocked this man from emailing me again . . . not a surprise because I told him I was going to. He is such a total wackadoodle that he actually created another profile in order to respond to my message. His response?
***
From: Asshat2
To: Jenny
Date: Sep. 6, 3020 – 7:10 pm
Subject: Still trying to help you out…
You know you come across as a total cunt. You are going to have to block everyone on the site if you keep that attitude. Fat girls are rumored to be nice. Not the case with you. Oh well. Your loss.
***
From: Jenny
To: Asshat2
Date: Sep. 6, 3020 – 8:22 pm
Subject: Re: Still trying to help you out…
Wow! You are even more pathetic than I ever envisioned! You should be so proud of yourself . . . because you have just won a place in my Hall of Shame blog series. And I may even put a link to your active profile so that everyone can see what a giant piece of shit you are!
Just a few thoughts . . . you know, to help a guy out.
You can’t use the word cunt . . . if there is anyone here that epitomizes that word, it would be you. Clearly you have been emasculated by someone in your life. You should not take out your issues with your mother on me.
Additionally, I am quite all right with continuing to block the mentally challenged men on this site. If I wanted to settle for spending my life with a waste of skin, I could gladly do that. But, since I have self-respect, confidence, and intelligence on my side, that isn’t necessary. You, however, should consider switching teams. I think that there is a great man out there that could rape you into submission – or at least help you to form some general human decency.
Last, but certainly not least, all fat women are not nice. Some of us do not have to be nice . . . because we are beautiful in our own right. I can be a total bitch and still have men lining up around the block to be with me. Whoever told you that fat chicks are nice clearly didn’t spend much time around them. We will kick your sorry ass to the curb after five seconds. Why is that? Because we can ALWAYS do better . . . and, in your case, it wouldn’t be hard. I know men in prison that are better people than you are.
Now . . . I am going to report your emails to me as abusive to the site administrator. And your IP address will get blocked from further damaging the real women on this web site – of which none of them would be interested in anything to do with you. Unless you count wanting to castrate you. I totally volunteer to lead that pack . . .
Now fuck off!
***
Final Follow-Up: This loser and his accounts were deactivated from the web site . . . and his IP address was blocked from creating additional accounts. I know that is a small victory - because you can always switch IP addresses . . . but it was at least something! One less loser was at least temporarily removed from the site. Go Jenny!
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