Here is the deal . . . after my last failed relationship, I decided that I would actually pursue the world of online dating. At the very least, I figured that I couldn’t possibly do any worse finding people online than I have been doing in real life. Right? I mean, in all seriousness, I have TERRIBLE luck with guys . . . and thought that maybe a change of pace would be a good thing.
So, I already had a profile on a web site that could potentially be used for dating. Instead of starting from scratch, I elected to just populate the page with real information and roll with it . . . and see where it got me. And, in the grand scheme of things, I have actually done well. I have been talking with some seemingly nice people and went on several nice dates already. One gentleman in particular absolutely rocks . . . he is pretty special. However, you KNOW that there is always an exception to that rule . . . and that is my current Hall of Shame winner.
This loserville emailed me the same day that I activated my profile on the web site. I didn’t think he was a troll or anything and we seemed to have some things in common, so I thought that I would write back to him. He was one of the crunchy granola, artist types – but I didn’t mind because he had a real job.
All of that aside, we emailed and instant messaged for a couple of days and he seemed relatively nice. And then the axe fell . . . we were so NOT compatible when it came to one very important area. Can you guess what it was? Come on . . . you know you can! Religion! Read below for our interaction . . . it is an absolute riot!
****
From: Crunchy Granola Loser
To: Jenny
Date: October 19, 2009
We have not had a discussion about religion. Your profile says ‘Christian and laughing about it’. What exactly do you find funny about Christ?
****
From: Jenny
To: Crunchy Granola Loser
Date: October 19, 2009
I don’t find anything specifically funny about Christ . . . however, I do find organized religion to be an absolute nightmare – filled with nothing but hypocrites, liars, and pedophiles. I choose to laugh about it, rather than waste any other of my valuable emotions on it. I notice that your profile does not have a response populated for that question. I assumed that meant that you were not religiously inclined. Was that an incorrect assumption?
****
From: Crunchy Granola Loser
To: Jenny
Date: October 19, 2009
Yes, Jenny, that was an incorrect assumption on your part. You know that assuming anything makes an ass out of you and that is what happened here. It is people like you that are ruining the world for honest hearted Christians like me. I am shocked that someone that is educated and well-versed as you are would have such a false belief about religion. I can only pray that you will be shown the light and be saved by Christ. If you cannot put your life in the hands of our Lord and Savior and return to church, I cannot continue to talk to you. People that mock Christianity are doomed to burn in hellfire.
****
From: Jenny
To: Crunchy Granola Loser
Date: October 19, 2009
Good God Y’all! You are serious, aren’t you? Honey bun, you need to step away from whatever Kool-Aid you have been drinking and open your eyes. Every single organized religion in this world is corrupt. I didn’t say one false word about God or his son and you do not have to haul your ass into church in order to have a strong belief system or values. If you really believe that everyone that does not go to church is going straight to hell, I feel very bad for you. What about all of the Christians that live in third world countries that do not have official churches? Are they to die just because they are poverty stricken? You pompous ass!
You want to know what I think? I think that your Lord and Savior must be pretty DAMN disappointed in his little minion if he was bearing witness to the sexually explicit instant messages that you were trying to send to me the other night. Did you pray for forgiveness for the weakness of your flesh after I spurned you? You better have . . . or that in itself should have earned you a hot spot in hell!
Trust me . . . I have learned and forgotten more than you will ever know about the Bible and I no longer need any part of it. You can take your religious beliefs and have them keep your organic behind warm in bed - because I do not want any part of it. Religious zealots are not welcome in my world!
This will be my final email . . . I am blocking you, as I see no need to continue this discussion. I won’t even wish you good luck with your search for a partner, because I will feel bad for the woman that ultimately ends up with you.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The Hall of Shame ~ Part XXIII
So, I ended a relationship on September 2nd that I thought was going to be ‘the one’. Boy did I make the mistake of a lifetime! Since ending the relationship, my Dejected Loser has texted me over 200 times, called my cell phone over 150 times, called my home and office an unknown number of times, and has even begun creating new email accounts to contact me because I blocked his primary accounts.
Ending a relationship isn’t something that I take lightly . . . and I did it in a kind, but straightforward manner. I have not been in contact with him since the break-up . . . because doing so would just continue the pain when there is no hope of us being together. Anyway, below you will find what I hope will be the final communication between me and my Dejected Loser. If he cannot get the message now, I am not quite sure what path I will be forced to take . . . but can I pick them or what?!?
******
From: Dejected Loser
To: Jenny
Subject: How far will I sink?
Date: Monday, October 5, 2009
Message:
My love,
I cannot believe the depths to which you have driven me, to which I will go to get into contact with you. It angers me to think that just this time last month, we were blissfully in love and where are we now? You threaten me with abuse orders through my daughter. You damage me in ways I never thought and yet I still reach out to you. You say I try to control you, yet refuse to consider those actions as demonstration of my love of you. I need you in my life and am willing to do whatever it is that you say I need to do to make that happen. Please pick up the phone and answer my calls babe. I can’t believe you are doing this to us because of a mistake - one word said to you in anger.
Yours eternally,
Dejected Loser
*****
From: Jenny
To: Dejected Loser
Subject: Re: How far will I sink?
Date: Monday, October 5, 2009
Message:
I am not sure how much more clearly I can say this. Your pathetic attempts to get back with me are just that – pathetic. It has now been over a month and your inability to accept that our relationship is over is unbelievable to me. So, let me break this down for you in a way that I hope you are going to be able to understand.
1) I do not want to ever see you again. The very thought of coming into contact with you in person makes me physically ill. I mortally regret every second of the seven months that I spent with you. You are an unwelcome presence in my life and if you do show up at my home, you can rest assured that I will call the police and have you physically removed.
2) Your controlling behavior of me was a demonstration of love? Really? Well, let me try to enlighten you about that. That same ‘affection’ forced your loving wife, of over twenty years, ultimately to cheat on you. So, I would strongly recommend that you reevaluate how you show your affection because it is scaring off the women in your life. If you love someone, you do not need to smother them. Trust is a wonderful thing . . . if you do not have it in a relationship, you have NOTHING!
3) I damage you? I have not yet begun to fight dirty . . . but you should know me well enough to know that I will. So let me reiterate to you that I need you to leave me alone. The texts, phone calls to my home, cell phone, and office need to stop. You know I blocked your primary email accounts, so the email messages from newly created accounts also need to stop. Your pleas are falling on deaf ears. I am responding to you this FINAL time; this will be the last communication from me. You need to move on with your life. I bear you no ill will . . . I just cannot be with you. You have to accept that because there is no other option for you.
4) There is nothing that you can say or do that is going to place you back in my life. We are not friends and we are not in a romantic relationship any longer. There is no room for you in my world.
5) One word said to me in anger. Yes, it was one word. But the word was WHORE. You called me a whore. And the part that I cannot get past, for the life of me, is that you absolutely meant it when you said it. So, you can apologize until the end of time, but that does not change the very simple fact that you believe me capable of not only being unfaithful to you, but you think that I have questionable morals. There is nothing else to be said based on that statement alone. I will not get past that and do not want to. Call me immature, unforgiving, and whatever else you need to in order to get over this . . . but just do it because it no longer matters to me what you think. You can even think I am the biggest whore in Southeastern Pennsylvania and it will not make a difference. At the end of the day, I know the truth and I can sleep at night. Somehow I do not think that you can or you would not be harassing me.
Please stop now . . . I implore you to use the brain that God gave you to do so. I wish only the best for you and your family. Be happy and healthy . . . and find someone to spend the rest of your life with. That someone is not me.
Best Wishes,
Jenny
Ending a relationship isn’t something that I take lightly . . . and I did it in a kind, but straightforward manner. I have not been in contact with him since the break-up . . . because doing so would just continue the pain when there is no hope of us being together. Anyway, below you will find what I hope will be the final communication between me and my Dejected Loser. If he cannot get the message now, I am not quite sure what path I will be forced to take . . . but can I pick them or what?!?
******
From: Dejected Loser
To: Jenny
Subject: How far will I sink?
Date: Monday, October 5, 2009
Message:
My love,
I cannot believe the depths to which you have driven me, to which I will go to get into contact with you. It angers me to think that just this time last month, we were blissfully in love and where are we now? You threaten me with abuse orders through my daughter. You damage me in ways I never thought and yet I still reach out to you. You say I try to control you, yet refuse to consider those actions as demonstration of my love of you. I need you in my life and am willing to do whatever it is that you say I need to do to make that happen. Please pick up the phone and answer my calls babe. I can’t believe you are doing this to us because of a mistake - one word said to you in anger.
Yours eternally,
Dejected Loser
*****
From: Jenny
To: Dejected Loser
Subject: Re: How far will I sink?
Date: Monday, October 5, 2009
Message:
I am not sure how much more clearly I can say this. Your pathetic attempts to get back with me are just that – pathetic. It has now been over a month and your inability to accept that our relationship is over is unbelievable to me. So, let me break this down for you in a way that I hope you are going to be able to understand.
1) I do not want to ever see you again. The very thought of coming into contact with you in person makes me physically ill. I mortally regret every second of the seven months that I spent with you. You are an unwelcome presence in my life and if you do show up at my home, you can rest assured that I will call the police and have you physically removed.
2) Your controlling behavior of me was a demonstration of love? Really? Well, let me try to enlighten you about that. That same ‘affection’ forced your loving wife, of over twenty years, ultimately to cheat on you. So, I would strongly recommend that you reevaluate how you show your affection because it is scaring off the women in your life. If you love someone, you do not need to smother them. Trust is a wonderful thing . . . if you do not have it in a relationship, you have NOTHING!
3) I damage you? I have not yet begun to fight dirty . . . but you should know me well enough to know that I will. So let me reiterate to you that I need you to leave me alone. The texts, phone calls to my home, cell phone, and office need to stop. You know I blocked your primary email accounts, so the email messages from newly created accounts also need to stop. Your pleas are falling on deaf ears. I am responding to you this FINAL time; this will be the last communication from me. You need to move on with your life. I bear you no ill will . . . I just cannot be with you. You have to accept that because there is no other option for you.
4) There is nothing that you can say or do that is going to place you back in my life. We are not friends and we are not in a romantic relationship any longer. There is no room for you in my world.
5) One word said to me in anger. Yes, it was one word. But the word was WHORE. You called me a whore. And the part that I cannot get past, for the life of me, is that you absolutely meant it when you said it. So, you can apologize until the end of time, but that does not change the very simple fact that you believe me capable of not only being unfaithful to you, but you think that I have questionable morals. There is nothing else to be said based on that statement alone. I will not get past that and do not want to. Call me immature, unforgiving, and whatever else you need to in order to get over this . . . but just do it because it no longer matters to me what you think. You can even think I am the biggest whore in Southeastern Pennsylvania and it will not make a difference. At the end of the day, I know the truth and I can sleep at night. Somehow I do not think that you can or you would not be harassing me.
Please stop now . . . I implore you to use the brain that God gave you to do so. I wish only the best for you and your family. Be happy and healthy . . . and find someone to spend the rest of your life with. That someone is not me.
Best Wishes,
Jenny
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